Modern dating has its own language, and it can often get difficult to keep up with new terms for every situation that arises in a relationship. Well, the newer generations have embraced this language, coming up with innovative terminology to describe dating. This year especially saw the emergence of many such terms and trends. If you want to enter 2025 with a clear idea of complicated dating scenarios, here is a look at what was trending in 2024. Breadcrumbing: A red flag, breadcrumbing is a manipulative practice where someone gives another person just enough attention to keep them interested, without committing to a real relationship. While this term has been used for quite a while, it gained more prominence in 2024. Freak matching: It is an innovative term to define compatibility in relationships. It refers to dating someone who matches your interests and eccentricities. The term is also commonly used in friendships. Boy sobering: It is an anti-dating trend, or movement, that took over social media in 2024. It encourages women to step away from dating and focus on themselves. Essentially, it’s a detox for your love life. Throning: This trend involves dating someone to elevate one’s social status. In this situation, one flaunts their partner’s influence i.e., “puts them one a throne”, to create a good social reputation for themselves. Affordating: This term reflects financial consciousness. It essentially means “dating on a budget”, opting for meaningful experiences and gifts, instead of expensive and fancy ones. Orbiting: It refers to a situation where someone has cut off communication with another person, but keeps passively interacting with them usually through social media likes and comments. Love bombing: It is a manipulative dating trend wherein one showers excessive love, affection, attention, gifts, etc., on another person, often in an attempt to exert control. Benching: This terms in the dating world takes its literal meaning, wherein one keeps another person on the sidelines as a backup option, while pursuing other romantic interests. Chameleoning: It is a situation where one person changes their personality, interests and behaviours to align with their partners’. This is often an attempt to feel closer to their love interest. Zombieing: While ghosting involves someone not replying and stopping all communication suddenly, zombieing is used when someone reappears after having ghosted another person for a long time. Also Read: Forget grand gestures; small actions and moments are set to rule romance in 2025
22 December,2024 12:10 PM IST | Mumbai | mid-day online correspondentA recent survey has revealed that 25 per cent of Indians reveal they have been unfaithful to their established partners with a colleague. The trend is particularly catching up in Kolkata (35 per cent), Delhi (32 per cent) and Mumbai (35 per cent) — highlighting a majorly unspoken aspect of the mid-life crisis of corporate employees, according to the survey conducted by Gleeden, an extra-marital dating app.Contemplating it will never happen to us does not always mean it will not. From securing a top-notch role at a leading corporation to suddenly questioning life choices — love, marriage, relationships — mid-life crisis hit us differently and often without any realisation. While everybody pictures motionless, calm lives full of happiness and laughter going forward, balancing our career and our partner’s tantrums starts becoming burdensome one fine day — indicating that we have arrived at our mid-life crisis. Usually beginning with questioning every single choice of us — profession, selecting our partner, falling in love, tying the knot, everything becomes a choice of black and white. The relationships that once felt like blooming roses and flying butterflies begin to feel like a choking constraint. Working delayed hours becomes the new norm; once spending the majority of the day at the office with colleagues becomes the immediate circle of friends, growing attraction to that fine individual soon begins to feel like a break from reality. This is often the reality for middle aged Indian corporates, whose response to the anxiety and stress of mid-life crisis leads them to find solace in the warm embrace of new romantic adventures. Spending reduced time with their primary partners leads to telltale gaps in communication, and peace and calm are only to be found in the thrill of romantic relationships outside marriage. Sybil Shiddell, APAC manager, Gleeden, emphasises on mid-age crisis, saying they are an indicator of requiring change to ensure mental wellbeing, “Life tends to work mysteriously and in the grey zones. Mid-life crisis lets us introspect our inner questions, abilities and status — if an established relationship is forcing against change, human minds address it through a unique way. The best way to overcome mid-life crisis is to fixate yourself on what our inner self desires and working toways achieving it. If it leads us to meeting a certain individual who aligns with us better than our established relationships, prioritizing self well-being should be the norm.” Marital challenges and cheatingIndian corporate employees spend a significant amount of time in their office premises. For many, setting aside personal time for their primary partners becomes a challenge in itself, leading to marital challenges that have long-term consequences. The resulting combination of stress and anxiety, a byproduct of marital breakdown — the idea of faithfulness soon goes out of the window. Prioritising clicking and swiping to engage in casual flings to more serious relationships outside the boundaries of marriage helps to reduce the stress and the notion has also been cross-checked by a survey conducted by Gleeden. Losing purposeLife’s dynamics shift as we mature, and for corporate employees, it constitutes a significant reason behind their mid-life crisis. At this stage when the purpose of having loved their partners, or getting married makes little sense, this results in them losing the purpose of life. Neglected love by their primary partners leads to a willingness to cross established boundaries, and the resulting craving for variety elevates them to acceptance — and an affair is born.
21 December,2024 11:58 AM IST | Mumbai | mid-day online correspondentIn the world of modern dating, shared experiences are key to building meaningful connections. From immersive hobby-based outings to just strolling around, the idea of a ‘date’ has significantly evolved and now entails diverse experiences. However, movie dates still remain a popular choice. After all, bonding over favourite movie characters, interesting personal anecdotes connected to movies and shows, shared love for a particular song or actor, etc., can never go out of fashion. A survey by dating app Bumble shows that binge-watching movies and shows together isn’t just a casual pastime -- it’s the secret sauce for modern dating. With 77 per cent of singles in India believing shared watching experience is important when dating, this trend is reshaping how people find love and bond with their partners. The allure of movie nights goes beyond just entertainment -- it's about building rapport and sparking chemistry. Ruchi Ruuh, Relationship Expert, Bumble India, says, “Movie dates have become a key part of how singles are connecting - for many, it's not just about enjoying the same content but understanding each other’s preferences and values. Whether it's enjoying a rom-com or a thriller, the shared experience allows for a quick chemistry check, and gives people the chance to gauge compatibility during their post-movie debrief. If you’re looking to make a meaningful connection, cuddling up for a good show after a lengthy, conversational dinner provides the perfect opportunity to bond over mutual interests and spark those initial feelings of intimacy." Tips to create deeper connections through movie nights Ruuh shares her top tips on how to create deeper connections through movie nights and other shared experiences. Extend a binge-bonding invitationWatching movies and shows together, especially when it’s a regular thing, transforms entertainment into quality time. Over 3 in 4 Indian singles say shared viewing experiences help deepen their bond. Finding a genre that both of you are open to is important, and starting a series together can also be seen as a “commitment” in growing your connection together. Plus, it’s a great way to understand your partner’s inner world over time. Cozy movie date night setupTransform your living room into a cozy movie haven! Snuggle up with blankets, your favourite snacks and phones off for a movie marathon. No fancy setup needed, just a laptop and shared headphones work wonders for that perfect, intimate vibe. Themed movie night Pick a theme like ‘90s nostalgia, sci-fi adventures or a holiday rom-com marathon. Match it with themed snacks, decorations and outfits to bring the vibe alive. Themed nights aren’t just fun but also show effort, creativity and a playful spirit that makes the connection even stronger. If you’re ever unsure of the genre to pick for a first date, stick to more light-hearted themes like comedy or romance. According to single Indians, comedy takes the lead as the top genre, with 87 per cent of singles preferring to laugh together, followed by romance and thriller. Snack making = Extra funBonding over movies is about more than just what’s on-screen. Try making movie snacks together -- think experimental popcorn or nachos! These little moments of creativity and teamwork add joy and create light-hearted memories you’ll both cherish. The power of discussionsIt’s not just about watching but also about discussing what you watched. With 7 in 10 single Indians enjoying movie post-mortems with their date or partner, diving into the plot twists, character arcs and everything in between, makes it a fun and engaging way to bond. Discussing themes, characters or even the funniest scenes can ignite deep conversations. Also Read: Politics in dating: Is political opinion a determining factor while choosing partners?
18 December,2024 01:04 PM IST | Mumbai | mid-day online correspondentAs the temperature drops, new survey by a dating application has shared some unique shifts in dating patterns during this time of the year, calling it the season of "phera pressure", revealing higher than usual activities, a sudden urgency to find the one- leading to some unexpected great connections and some mistakes, and more such notable dating behavior. The insights for this report by QuackQuack come from a comprehensive study involving over 10,000 app users between 18 and 35. The data collected from in-app behavior analysis, online polls, survey feedback, and trend observations across Tier 1, 2, and 3 Indian cities shows over 39 per cent of users send the highest number of first messages during winter. For an all-round perspective, survey participants were chosen from various fields- IT, healthcare, sales and marketing, finance, teaching, social media content creators, vloggers, and a significant portion of students, job-seekers, and previously employed individuals taking a career break. The app's founder and CEO, Ravi Mittal, said, "Every year, we make a note of any seasonal shifts, trying to adapt and evolve accordingly for better user satisfaction. This time of the year, there is an undeniable FOMO among singles as the wedding season has started and we can see it in the spike in profile interactions." Perfect match panic3 in 4 users, especially ones in the 28 to 35 age bracket, are noted to display an increased urgency in finding a romantic partner before the year wraps up. Participants revealed feeling the pressure of partnering up before the wedding season begins. 30-year-old Veena said, "There's peer pressure as your friends and even juniors start getting hitched, and then there's family pressure. I matched with more people in the past two weeks than the entire year." The survey also showed that 3 in 5 women make informed decisions regardless of the rush, but 9 per cent of men reported making impulsive choices because of FOMO. Rishta rushQuackQuack revealed that user activities have started rising from the last week of October. A significant driver of the traffic is the "Rishta Rush", with users feeling the pressure as their social media feed fills up with marriage proposals and wedding photos. 12 per cent of male and 14 per cent of female users updated their bio with "looking to get married" and "looking for serious matches" in the last few weeks. Comfort matches on the riseWith the weather growing colder, QuackQuack users are hunting for emotional warmth, leading to 26 per cent comfort matches. The chats are longer and more meaningful for most of these daters, exploring topics ranging from travel plans to marriage plans. Priyank from Punjab said, "At first, towards the end of October, all my matches were hurried, and the compatibility was tanking. I overestimated some people, and that was because I was under pressure to find someone ASAP. But once you take one or two missteps and realize not all relationships will stand the test of time, you will finally make the right choices, and they will be the best ones. At least, that's what happened to me." Return of the exes19 per cent of daters from Tier 1 and 2 cities between 18 and 28 admitted to reconnecting with an ex-match. Nostalgia, holiday sentimentality, and a touch of the phera pressure emerged as the primary motivators. Shivani (28), a content creator from Bangalore, said, "I rematched with a guy I stopped interacting with last year. I am sure I wouldn't have done it any other time of the year. But now, there's an unlying anxiety to settle down. Nevertheless, I would say that reconnecting with him was a good idea. There's more in common between us than we knew last year." 4 in 7 daters also noted that they never go back to ghosts; that's where the line is drawn.
01 December,2024 02:33 PM IST | Mumbai | mid-day online correspondentIf you are daunted by the complexities of the dating world, trying to keep track of latest trends, worry not! While 2024 witnessed people reassessing their priorities and giving precedence to shared values, dating expectations are expected to undergo a transformation in 2025. According to Bumble’s Dating Trends 2025 report, nearly 3 in 4 (72 per cent) singles globally are looking to find a long-term partner in the next year. Romance is making a “not-so-grand” comeback in 2025! The desire for romance is clear, but instead of grand gestures, people are embracing romance in a new way - through micro-mance - a term to describe expressing your feelings through smaller gestures, with big impact. According to the report, the majority (92 per cent) of single Indians admit that how they show love and affection now includes behaviours like sending memes, a playlist, sharing inside jokes or morning coffee walks. Other dating trends of 2025 DWM (Date With Me) Nearly half (48 per cent) of Indian singles are celebrating more authentic dating and relationship content showing not only the highs but also the lows, serving as a ‘window’ to the broader dating experience. Seeing others openly discuss these experiences is inspiring healthier relationship goals, helping people spot potential red flags, and have big conversations earlier. On The Same (Fan) Page 49 per cent of single Indians state that unique and quirky interests are now key to attraction. Not only does this help identify partners, start conversations, and build compatibility but half (49 per cent) of Gen Z singles agree that geeking out on something together is a form of intimacy. Male-Casting 1 in 3 people globally agree that this year, more than ever, there have been more conversations on male stereotypes. Much like the experience of women, 1 in 4 men say these tropes make them uncomfortable because people make assumptions about their character and intentions. As we head into the next year, over half of Indian women (54 per cent) agree that the conversation on masculinity needs to evolve to allow men to define what positive masculinity looks like individually. Also Read: International Men's Day: Men, social media and the body image debate Future-Proofing An overwhelming majority of single Indians (94 per cent) say their worries about the future are impacting who and how they date. For 6 in 10 women in India, increasing concerns about the future are leading them to place more value on stability - looking for a partner who is emotionally consistent, reliable and has clear goals when it comes to their life. Guys That Get It Nearly a third (32 per cent) of single Indian women say they are more open with their male friends than they used to be about their dating lives, indicating a shift towards men engaging with their friends in a healthy way and becoming a more significant part of their support network. Amongst Indian women, 1 in 5 (22 per cent) now ask their male friends to filter potential dates.
22 November,2024 06:27 PM IST | Mumbai | mid-day online correspondent"Everything is political” is a popular saying, indicating how politics permeates every aspect of life from economics to social settings. But does it also influence personal relationships, including dating preferences? The people of Maharashtra are heading to polls today, with many being first-time voters. As the role of voting in determining the future of a region and society in general gains more prominence, many people now consider political awareness to be a non-negotiable characteristic in potential partners while dating. Amyra (name changed), 29, believes that her partner shouldn’t be ignorant about political and social issues that plague everyday life. “I would want my partner to have an opinion on political issues. Something might not affect us directly, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have a voice. I have been voting since I was eligible to do so, and I would expect my partner to do the same.” According to a survey by Bumble from November 2023, singles today seek partners with shared priorities who not only care about social causes but also actively engage in them. The report found that 69 per cent of the Indians surveyed are more attracted to someone who actively engages in societal issues and votes. Exercising one’s fundamental right to vote is a green flag for Indians. In fact, 20 per cent of respondents said that it was a major turn-off for them if the other person did not have an opinion on key social and political issues. This trend is especially prevalent in younger generations. According to the same survey, more Indian Gen Z (15 per cent) than millennials (12 per cent) said they will not date someone who doesn't vote. While there’s a growing percentage of people for whom politics is a determining factor while dating, for others, it isn’t a priority. “It’s okay if the person I am dating doesn’t have a strong political opinion,” says 22-year-old Aryaman Bharadwaj. Dating someone with different political views Is it just political awareness or does political orientation also matter for daters? Explaining why knowing your partner’s political views is important, relationship counsellor Ruchi Ruuh says, “Political orientation often reflects a person's core values, beliefs and priorities in life. As we now live in a politically polarised world, knowing your partner's views is crucial. It helps individuals understand their perspectives on important societal issues, decision-making approaches and long-term compatibility.” However, she adds, “It doesn't necessarily mean you have to agree on everything, but awareness can prevent potential misunderstandings and conflicts. Even if you are an apolitical person, your partner's values and choices do affect your life in the long term.” It is due to this reason that Amyra believes in discussing politics before getting into a relationship. “What the person believes in and cares about matters to me. While I would prefer to be with someone whose values and beliefs match mine, dating someone who has a different political opinion than me is something I wouldn’t mind exploring. However, the person shouldn’t force his views on me, and be willing to have healthy conversations on politics,” she shares. Aryaman is of a similar opinion. “I don’t have an issue with someone having a different political opinion than mine, but the person shouldn’t be an extremist. If we are discussing politics, it should be a healthy discussion where we both share our thoughts and insights, and it shouldn’t turn into a fight,” he says. While some people don’t mind accommodating differing political views, for others, similar beliefs may be non-negotiable. “Some people prioritise shared values and may struggle to connect deeply with someone whose views are opposite theirs. Some individuals find it difficult to introduce their 'different political views' dates to their friends, just to avoid differences and difficult dynamics. Few others might see differing views as an opportunity for growth, expansion of their knowledge, intellectual challenge or greater diversity in the relationship,” shares Ruuh. What challenges may one encounter while dating someone with different political views? Ruuh shares the following potential challenges: Individuals might feel uncomfortable with political disagreements and incompatible values, which may lead to frustration or a sense of disconnection. It can also create external pressures, such as differing views on family traditions or social issues. Individuals might find themselves struggling with communication challenges that might result in heated debates and unnecessary resentment. How then can one navigate such situations? Some people may want to make their relationships work despite these differences. Ruuh has the following tips for them: Identify and emphasise shared values, like mutual respect, kindness and a commitment to understanding each other's views. Setting early boundaries by agreeing on how and when to discuss political topics may avoid unnecessary conflicts. Empathising with the other’s point of view is important. Just because they have an opposing opinion doesn't mean they are completely wrong. Listen actively to your partner's perspective without immediately reacting or judging. Accept that some topics may remain unresolved and that's okay; one can agree to disagree. Focus on areas where your views align or collaborate on shared goals outside politics. Dating isn't just about political or social outlook; emotional intelligence and compatibility are a few things that can be focused on. Also Read: Maharashtra elections 2024: What does Mumbai’s Gen Z want from political leaders?
20 November,2024 05:51 PM IST | Mumbai | Raaina JainWhile traditional gender roles and preconceived notions of masculinity have often influenced dating and relationships, a new survey has found that modern men have moved away from the stereotypes and embraced vulnerability, pushed beyond superficial connections and become more transparent about their discrepancies and red flags. Dating app QuackQuack surveyed 12,000 male users from Tier 1, 2 and 3 cities, revealing a refreshing new shift in the way men approach dating today. Transparency about red flags Over one-third of the respondents between 25 and 35 reported discussing their already-identified "red flags" with potential matches during the initial chatting stage. It is high-risk, but they deem it best to be transparent about character traits that can be difficult for others to adjust to while they work on improving them. They disclosed bringing up difficult conversations like past relationship mistakes, mental health issues and work-life imbalance, leaving behind the "dark and mysterious" facade to open up and build a healthy connection. Openly vulnerable 26 per cent of men from urban, suburban and rural India shared that online dating apps have helped them get in touch with their vulnerable side; it's easier to be open about weaknesses from behind the screen than in face-to-face exchanges. Sameer (28) from Delhi said, "Digital interactions give a sort of 'buffer' while sharing complex things like career-related anxieties, commitment issues, and even family matters." Prioritising mental health 3 in 5 men between the ages of 20 and 30 seemed to recognise mental health as a priority and self-care a necessity. Ajay from Mangalore said, "It's a new model of masculinity. We do not hit the gym only to impress women; we do so to keep our minds and bodies healthy, and the sheer realisation of it is a significant development in the way men think. We also make sure to work through our issues before diving head-first into a relationship; we are open to seeking help." Acknowledging equality Nearly 37 per cent of male users above 30 revealed their desire for a relationship based on mutual independence and equality. Himangshu, a social worker from Assam, noted, "I don't mind splitting the cheque with my dates or being pampered with some gifts. It does not hurt my ego. These are no more gender-specific responsibilities. Why should one gender lead and the other follow? It isn’t fair to either.” Responding to the question about dealing with a partner who earns more and the impacts of it on the relationship, 3 in 6 men shared that they would be genuinely happy for their partner’s success and wholeheartedly support her in achieving more. Men, too, have boundaries Contrary to popular belief, 29 per cent of male daters revealed actively setting boundaries with new matches, whether it is not pulling an all-nighter on call or boundaries around personal time, preferences, and, for some, even exclusivity. The app’s founder and CEO, Ravi Mittal, said, “Owing to the large number of users, we get the front seat view of modern daters redefining masculinity. They are more open, aware, communicative and one of the key points of this study shows men are prioritising their emotional needs over being peer pressured into acting detached and indifferent while dating.” Also Read: World Mental Health Day 2024: Coping with rejection in romantic relationships
19 November,2024 04:16 PM IST | Mumbai | mid-day online correspondentCelebrity chef and restaurateur Ritu Dalmia recently took to Instagram to share glimpses from her wedding ceremony with partner Michaela Tedsen. The couple tied the knot on November 5 at Leeu Estates Hotel in Franschhoek, South Africa. “Mrs. and Mrs.,” she captioned the post, also writing “#happiestdayofmylife” to express her joy on the occasion. For her big day, Dalmia opted for colourful striped pants, paired with a beige waistcoat and a long black blazer. Tedsen, on the other hand, wore a flaired red dress. In the candid and heartwarming pictures shared by the chef, the couple can be seen posing happily in the midst of their loved ones. One picture also shows the wedding cake, which features a beautiful floral pattern. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Ritu Dalmia (@ritudal) The couple’s friends and loved ones were quick to share their wishes and blessings. “All heart, many congratulations chef,” wrote chef Anahita Dhondy. Chef Suvir Saran commented, “What wonderful news. Congratulations chef!” South Africa legalised same-sex marriage in November 2006. Last year, India declined to recognise same-sex marriage as a fundamental right. Dalmia is a prominent LGBTQ+ rights activist and was one of the petitioners who fought against Section 377 that criminalised same-sex relationships. The same was decriminalised in 2018 in a landmark decision. Dalmia has contributed immensely to the culinary world. She is a celebrity chef and co-owner of the popular Italian restaurant chain ‘Diva’. She owns restaurants in both India and Milan.
14 November,2024 12:06 PM IST | South Africa | mid-day online correspondentWith the music festival season being in full bloom, Indian dating app happn has found some interesting insights with their latest study showcasing how the current generations are discovering their partners. Picture this: over three-quarters (76 per cent) of Indian singles are vibing with the idea of discovering new music through dating. It's the ultimate way to jam out while looking for the perfect crush. Who knew a favourite artist could spark romance? Nearly half of singles (48 per cent) admit that spotting their top musician on a dating profile can make their heart skip a beat. For the younger crowd, especially Gen Z, music discovery is a whole vibe. A whopping (76 per cent) are tuning in to fresh beats thanks to their dating escapades. With a strong lineup of concerts in India starting with Punjabi music at Diljeet’s Dil-Luminati India Tour, to indie-music at NH7 Weekender, to Maroon 5 coming to India, and of course the most-anticipated Coldplay concert- it’s the perfect time for festival dating. Music isn’t just a playlist; it’s the secret sauce for breaking the ice! An impressive 74 per cent of Singles are using music to kick off conversations. And guess what? Young men are leading the charge, with 100 per cent of them making music their go-to topic to spark a chat. When it comes to first dates, music festivals are where the magic happens. An exciting 74 per cent of young daters are totally down for hitting up a concert for a first date. Think romancing on how ‘vibe teri meri milti’ at Diljeet’s concert or headbanging to Green Day together at Lollapalooza or doing an at-home Coldplay concert to cope with not getting tickets. And here’s a heads-up for the men — Gen Z women are all about it, with 100 per cent ready to vibe with their crush to some live music. So, this is the sign from the universe to jam on favourite artists on a first date. Karima Ben Abdelmalek, CEO and President of happn, adds "At happn, we believe in sharing real-life experiences, like discovering a favourite band or vibing to live music as this offers a fun way to build deeper bonds. Gen Z is reshaping the dating landscape, and our research shows that music is at the forefront of their social lives. We have observed that Indian singles are keen on doing activity based dates and are on the lookout for new icebreakers. With India's music festival season in full swing, Singles have a unique opportunity to break the ice and form connections in a vibrant, real-world setting.”happn believes that bonding over activities with a Crush makes the connection deeper and music festivals are a one-stop shop for multiple activities beyond just music. From games to interactive experiences, festivals create endless opportunities to spark meaningful real-life moments. And when the time's right, introducing a Crush to friends at a festival can be a fun and natural way to test the waters of a potential relationship. So do a vibe check at the Dil-Luminati tour or relive the childhood romance with Maroon 5.
07 November,2024 03:59 PM IST | Mumbai | mid-day online correspondentIn a surprising turn of events, Britney Spears took to her Instagram to announce she has ‘married’ herself. This comes nearly an year after she parted ways with Sam Asghari. Posting a video of herself in a white wedding dress and an embellished veil, she wrote, “The day I married myself… Bringing it back because it might seem embarrassing or stupid, but I think it’s the most brilliant thing I’ve ever done!!!” Other posts Before this announcement, she also posted a picture of an empty church with no caption. View this post on Instagram A post shared by XILA MARIA RIVER RED (@britneyspears) The video in question was followed by another video where she can be seen lounging by a pool in a yellow bikini. Interestingly, a scroll through her feed reveals another post dated October 12 where she can be seen wearing the same white gown. “A month after I got married on this day, I married myself!!! Things that make you go HMMMMMM…," she captioned the picture. View this post on Instagram A post shared by XILA MARIA RIVER RED (@britneyspears) Spears opted for wavy hair paired with her signature black eyeliner look. She wore classic black pumps with the wedding dress. The 42-year-old pop star married Asghari in June 2022 and they parted ways after 14 months of marriage. Their split was finalised in May 2024 according to media reports.
22 October,2024 10:18 AM IST | Mumbai | mid-day online correspondent
In June, a 20-year-old woman was brutally murdered in Vasai East by a man in broad daylight. The man used a pipe wrench to hit her on the head and chest before throwing it on the road, after which he sat down near the body. The incident shocked everybody around them. According to reports, the brutal killing was due to problems in their six-year-long relationship, and the belief that she was cheating on him. Later, it also came to light that her parents hadn’t approved of the man and had told her to end their relationship. The subsequent actions highlight how he didn’t take the rejection well. Why it was hard for him to not accept the rejection is an aspect we may never know. However, it highlights the effect of people in romantic relationships not handling rejections properly and the effect it has on their mental health. Every year, World Mental Health Day is observed on October 10 to raise awareness, educate and advocate more about the social stigma. Over the years, there has been a growing focus on mental health in personal and professional life but the one aspect that is often lost is how people are affected when a relationship goes sour or face rejection. Like in the case of the Vasai couple, it leads them to take many different kinds of drastic actions that include murder too. The National Crime Records Bureau’s (NCRB) 2023 report highlighted that there were 4,45,256 cases of crimes against women reported in 2022 showing a rise of 4 per cent from 2021. With a growing number of crimes against women in romantic relationships, mid-day.com spoke to psychologist and psychotherapist and relationship expert Swapnil Pange to know why it is hard to handle rejections in romantic relationships. Along with Pange, Dr Sonal Anand, psychiatrist at Wockhardt Hospitals in Mira Road and Narendra Kinger, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist at Holy Family Hospital in Bandra also share how people can deal with rejections, and work on their mental health. The experts also highlight how people who have rejected the other person can recognise triggering signs of violence, and why there is a need to report it. How does one approach rejections in a relationship? Pange: Rejections in romantic relationships are hard. Rejection in a relationship can be a painful experience, but it's important to understand that it's a common occurrence. Rejections in a relationship simply mean that your partner has not rejected you, but they chose someone else over you. It has nothing to do with you being ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Don’t take it personally. We obviously feel sad, and disappointed as we invested in the relationship, and we expect returns. So, don’t label yourself as lucky or unlucky as your relationship is broken. Maybe be two of you just couldn’t get well along with each other. Anand: Rejection from someone who you love and want to get in a relationship can be a hard pill to swallow. One may feel embarrassed, frustrated, agitated, restless, and irritated. However, you being rejected should not burden the other person with unnecessary guilt. You should calmly respect their decision and stop bombarding them with multiple questions related to the rejection. Kinger: While rejections in a relationship are painful, it also gives one an opportunity for growth or improvement. We can overcome rejection by letting go of our emotions attached to the relationship, by practicing self-care, and reframing our thinking to "that rejections are opportunities to get better and focus on rebuilding self-esteem and reach out to loved ones, therapy, or support groups for such trying times. The development of emotional intelligence holds great importance in dealing with rejection. Manage your emotions, develop empathy, and maintain effective communication. Long-term growth will arise from establishing resilience, learning new strategies, and recovering one's self-esteem. One can also opt for professional assistance in handling emotions and enhancing emotional strength. Also Read: Gen Z redefines romance: What is simmer dating? Are there early signs that one can pay attention to help them prepare better for it? Pange: There are some red flags of rejection that you may pay attention to avoid stress further:1. Partner avoids you frequently and prefers spending time with someone else2. Frequently ignoring your needs and desires and instead giving importance to someone else’s3. After fights, you are the ones who always take the lead to initiate communication, and it seems that they can go for days without talking to you Anand: Various signs can help you understand that someone is not interested in you or doesn’t want to form a romantic relationship with you. If the other person starts to avoid you, may seem distant, or doesn’t like it when they are paired with you can be the warning signs of a potential rejection in the future. Why is it hard for so many people to handle rejections in romantic relationships? Pange: People who have an anxious attachment style find it difficult to handle rejection because they are dependent too much on their romantic partners. They cannot imagine their life without their partners. They have extreme fear of abandonment causing constant insecurity and anticipated anxiety in a relationship. When the relationship ends, such people with an anxious attachment may experience intense emotional experiences including feelings of worthlessness, anger and sadness. Anand: Rejection in a romantic relationship can be overwhelming as you start to invest a lot in this relationship emotionally. You may have certain dreams or expectations from this relationship and seeing them being shattered can feel like a personal loss. One may start to compare themselves with other happy couples in their surroundings which can worsen their pain of rejection. Kinger: Rejection triggers the basic fears of abandonment, shame, and inadequacy that are prevalent in all human beings to some extent. Our attachment styles and past experiences of relationships can exacerbate our vulnerability. Societal pressures and idealizing romantic notions, ideals, or fantasies often create impossible expectations from our relationship. Processes in the brain for rejection are akin to actual physical pain; inducing the release of stress hormones and putting the person in a fight-or-flight response. What are the reasons that people can face rejection in a relationship? Pange: There could be incompatibility issues such as a mismatch of beliefs and values, life goals, communication styles and mainly personality incompatibility. Some other factors could be past trauma of the person, trust issues and physical compatibility issues as well. Anand: Multiple factors can lead to rejection in a romantic relationship. The way you behave, and your attitude towards them can influence the status of your relationship. If you are unable to understand the feelings of your partner or easily get aggressive and rude when angry can be the potential reason for a rejection. How can couples approach challenges in their relationships? Pange: Encouraging open and honest communication, willing to compromise on personal desires for the sake of relationships, seeking therapy for resolving issues from professional therapists. Anand: If you are experiencing various hardships and challenges in your relationships, then acknowledging the real problem can be helpful. Couples should also express their genuine feelings, opinions, and disappointments about their relationships. This can help resolve the problem. How is handling rejection in a long-term relationship different from those who are pursuing somebody to get into a relationship with them?Pange: In a long-term relationship, the emotional investment is much deeper as compared to the other one. Hence, there is intense emotional experience causing significant distress after breaking up making it difficult for a person to move on. Also, in a long-term relationship, the presence of commitment, shared goals, memories and aspirations makes it difficult to move on after breaking up. Handling rejection in a long-term relationship is also much harder and is an intense emotional experience because it damages the self-esteem of the person involved. Anand: Experiencing rejection from a long-term relationship is completely different for those pursuing someone to be in a romantic relationship with them. It’s the amount of time spent that makes the huge difference. Getting rejected by someone with who you have spent major years of your life can be disheartening as you are mentally and physically connected with them. It may become difficult to get back to your normal routine as a single by being in a relationship for longer. Over the last year, we have seen many people take extreme actions like murder after being rejected. What leads to these extreme actions? Pange: The main reason is underlying mental health-related concerns such as depression, substance abuse, and personality disorders, which need clinical interventions and counselling. People who have low frustration tolerance, who can’t take no, are impulsive, and vulnerable are likely to engage in violent actions like murder, after being rejected. Some of these could be having borderline personality, narcissistic personality and or antisocial personality disorder. Sometimes, people follow what they follow on social media, news, movies and television and end up harming their loved ones. Anand: Everyone has their way of coping with rejection from their favourite person. Some may try to move on while some may try to hold personal grudges in their mind. Extreme actions like hurting them physically can be an indication of their aggressive behaviours and unstable mental health. Kinger: Extreme reaction to rejection often manifests in the form of physical violence or causing harm to a partner, often due to untreated issues involving mental health problems, extreme possessiveness, or past baggage and trauma. Entitlement, shame, or desperation can all make the behavior destructive. One must be able to spot warning signs - as much and as soon as possible. Extreme emotional dysregulation or aggressive behaviour needs to be picked up by one's partner. Safety should be the first concern, and family and friends should support those affected by rejection-related violence. Achieving this would entail handling the deeper issues and assistance from professionals to avoid a full-blown outbreak. For crisis support, there are community resources, hotlines, and emergency services you can get help from. Also Read: Expert tips to keep your mental and physical health on track post festive season For people who have rejected the other person, how can they be prepared for any extreme reactions? Pange: Here are some steps to keep in mind:1. Communicate rejection, assertively, and precisely. Don’t give mixed signals or ambiguous signals. 2. Anticipate a negative response from the rejected person3. Establish boundaries 4. Reduce contact or no contact at any cost5. Inform your family members6. If required seek legal help and psychological counselling. Anand: It takes courage to express your disapproval of a romantic relationship knowing that it may hurt someone else’s feelings. Ensure that you express your thoughts clearly and calmly without creating any type of misunderstanding. If you feel that the other person may feel attacked or react negatively then try distancing yourself from them to ensure your safety. Kinger: Working through rejection requires one to have a high level of empathy, compassion, and preparation in terms of knowing how to 'end the relationship in a manner that is sensitive to both the givers and the takers. Rejection often breeds an intense emotional reaction, including feelings of abandonment, shame, and inadequacy which can play into extreme reactions such as emotional dysregulation, aggressive behaviour, or thoughts of suicidal ideation. Such risks may be avoided by careful consideration of the timing and location for discussion: find some private quiet place with no distractions, where emotions can be tackled; clearly communicate your decision, without blame or accusation, demonstrate empathy, and compassion through feeling and acknowledging. Do men take rejection worse than women or does rejection have no gender? Pange: Traditional perspective on gender roles portrays men to be strong, dominant, and in control. Rejection in relationships can be a big blow to this perception of men causing intense reactions by them. Women are likely to perceive the rejection as a personal failure or worthlessness. While women are more likely to seek professional help or support post-break-up in a relationship, men may engage themselves in various activities as a means of distraction to cope with the loss. Abuse of substances or addictive behaviours can be common across all genders. Anand: It is a common myth that men are unable to take rejection compared to women. Gender plays no role in the way an individual reacts towards rejection. What makes the difference is their personality and behavioural pattern. If they are calm and sorted, then they might understand your condition but if the other person is short-tempered then it may lead to some extreme reactions. Kinger: Research has suggested that even though a male and a female do suffer rejection equally in emotional terms, the perception of pain and distress, and the way they express it may be influenced by social expectations or gender role orientation. A man may refuse to accept his feelings or hit out at others in a variety of aggressive ways. A woman is likely to brood over her feelings, as science has found out that brooding and obsessive thinking are injurious tendencies. Individual differences are therefore greater than any particular gender. Recognise that rejection pains everyone differently, regardless of gender. What are some of the tips and steps that people can take to handle rejection and prevent their mental health?Pange: Follow these tips to handle rejection better in your romantic relationships: 1. It’s okay if someone rejects you. They have all the right to do so. You have the choice to accept the rejection gracefully.2. Express your feelings or share with your close ones3. Take care of your mental health and seek support4. Give time yourself to grieve the loss of a relationship and don’t jump onto any other relationship too quickly. Anand: People often tend to neglect their feelings and try to act cool. This can take a negative toll on their mental health leading to depression, anxiety, and stress. Allow yourself to feel a range of emotions associated with rejection like sadness, frustration, or anger. But remember that your grief should not be a burden for the other person. Try to divert your mind by indulging in activities that help you stay calm and happy like doodling, cooking, traveling, or going for an evening walk. Disclaimer: This information does not replace professional medical advice. Consult a qualified mental health expert for personalised guidance.
16 October,2024 06:39 PM IST | Mumbai | Nascimento PintoADVERTISEMENT
