Valentine’s Day 2025: What does love mean for unmarried single Mumbaikars in their 30s and 40s?

As the world celebrates Valentine’s Day today, mid-day spoke to Mumbaikars -- not couples who are busy in love but those who are unmarried and single in their 30s and 40s. It is simply because they have the unnecessary added pressure of people asking them when they are getting married

Love in your teens gives you butterflies in your stomach, makes your heart skip a beat and even makes you fall head over heels for that one person, or maybe more than one person over the years. This changes once you are in your 20s as more people look for a serious relationship. While it works for some, it doesn’t for others. Traditionally, most Indians get married or are expected to tie the knot in their 20s but that may not always be the case, as life and relationships unfold in so many unique ways for different people. 

With friends and extended family getting married during this time, family and neighbours get on the bandwagon asking you when you are next. While it is easier to answer for those who are in relationships and have probably set their eyes on marriage in the near future, the pressure may often get to those who are not only unmarried but also single in their 30s, it changes further when many have to address it in their 40s. 

While unmarried and married couples showcase their love for each other on Valentine’s Day, it is the unmarried single 30 and 40 year olds who are often pushed to the back of the room, and often shown pity. 

Mid-day spoke to Mumbaikars, who are in their 30s and 40s to ask what love means to them now and how it has changed from 10 years ago. 

Karen Fernandes, 33 years old
Love in my 30s is about depth, clarity, and ease. It’s more about being built on trust, emotional safety, and mutual growth. It’s knowing who I am, valuing connection over validation, and choosing someone who feels like home rather than a chase.

In my 20s, love was idealistic, intoxicating, and sometimes uncertain—a lot of learning through intensity. Now, it’s intentional. It’s not about proving love but sustaining it, not about finding the ‘right’ person but building something real with the right energy. Less chaos, more compatibility.

Rasika Pote, 34 years old 
For a 30-something finding an emotionally available partner is the biggest challenge. Also, it’s easier to find love in your 20s because I guess you are more open to the idea of love and have patience to build relationships it ground up. While in your, 30s honestly, I feel I have become 95 per cent of the man I want to have in my life. For the remaining 5 per cent, no man in his 30s has the emotional bandwidth.

At 34, I have started questioning the concept of love as while you are still ready to pour but there is unfortunately nobody to receive it out there.

Russell Lopez, 40 years old
In my 30s, I believed that it's all about finding the right kind of person who you have the most number of interests in common with and that is what forms the solid foundation for a love relationship. Also, love is not about how that person is right now, it is more about how that person will grow/change and that's the journey you want to share with that person. 

In my 40s, the definition of love has mostly been the same with the added realisation that people are constantly changing and growing. So, finding love is more about the odds of you and the other person being in the same emotional wavelength at the same time and then finding each other. If all that falls into place, then the definition is how and where you want both your lives to grow (direction wise) because at that age the decisions are bigger and have more lasting impact (house, kids, future, business). 

Whenever people ask me about getting married and the societal pressure, you know that meme about ‘When you accept that you are cringe, you can live freely’. That’s what it feels like when people ask you about being unmarried in your 40s.

Shweta Mehrotra 
It’s straight forward, no pretence and less room for ‘pleasing to be liked’  and even lesser room for drama. In the 40’s, you’re happy being with yourself so there’s no desperation to be in and out of relationships or to be in one so you’re not left alone. You seek friendship that could culminate into companionship, something that is seamless so your partner becomes part of your already existing wholesome ecosystem and I think that’s amazing. Most importantly, there is no pressure to get married and have kids. 

In my 30s, I was dealing with a lot on the career front, personal life, monetary life, social and family. It’s a heightened sense of all sort of pressure because you’re at your peak and you’re trying to cover many grounds. In all of that, finding love is blissful and finding one that’s there to stay is the best thing.

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