Love is about acceptance and about recognising that people are different and won’t always conform to what we think they should be
Illustration/Uday Mohite
When is the right time to end a marriage if it isn’t working? My husband and I don’t get along, have been together for three years without any happiness, and stay together only because we don’t know how our families will react if we announce a separation, let alone a divorce. I am tired of living this way, but he feels we should wait a few more years until we go our separate ways, so we can tell everyone that we tried and gave it our best shot. Should I speak to my family and tell them this isn’t working? I am not afraid of upsetting him because I know this is over anyway.
Staying in a relationship to make other people happy is never a good idea because it takes a toll on your physical and mental well-being. To not move on sooner rather than later also means you are putting off the process of grief and healing that may inadvertently follow this separation. Your families may be upset or disappointed, but they aren’t the ones who have to live in a home with a partner who is unresponsive. Your husband may have his reasons for holding on but, if they don’t make sense to you, you have the right to make any decision that prioritises your well-being. If speaking to a friend or family member can help you get some clarity, you should do it by all means.
My boyfriend doesn’t think I am fun to be with, and always says he loves me but wishes I were more of an extrovert. I don’t know what I can do to change that perception.
Why do you have to do anything, given that he wants to change you? If he isn’t happy with who you are, nothing stops him from being with someone else. You should ask him why he chooses to be with you. Love is about acceptance and about recognising that people are different and won’t always conform to what we think they should be.
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