If she isn’t prepared to talk about her feelings, you should both respect that and get on with your lives instead of letting this come in the way of your friendship, which is a separate thing. When in doubt, ask questions. It really can make a huge difference
Illustration/Uday Mohite
My boyfriend and I are thinking of settling down after two years of being together. We are both 28 and our parents approve of our relationship. The only thing that has prevented us from making this formal is our disagreement about some important issues such as where to live and when we should have children. These may seem like minor things, and he says that they are, but I believe they can cause some serious harm down the line because they will affect both our lives in ways he is simply not thinking about. I am prepared to wait for a few more years before settling down if that is how long it takes to come to some agreement, but he believes we will iron out these issues sooner if we marry first. What is the right approach?
Both approaches are fine, as are your concerns, which are valid and should be taken more seriously. These are life-altering decisions, as you rightly point out, and while marrying may help to some extent, it isn’t something you should rush into if you aren’t satisfied about how things may change. Having more conversations as often as possible is the best way to get a better understanding of each other’s perspectives. If he wants to make this work, he shouldn’t have a problem with waiting until you’re ready.
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My best friend and I like the same girl, but she doesn’t tell us if she reciprocates our feelings, and this is causing some tension between us. How do we resolve this?
Why not ask her directly and get it over with, instead of assuming things? If she isn’t prepared to talk about her feelings, you should both respect that and get on with your lives instead of letting this come in the way of your friendship, which is a separate thing. When in doubt, ask questions. It really can make a huge difference.
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