She accuses me of being jealous and possessive, but I am only reacting to the fact that she was flirting with this person. Who is right about this?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
My girlfriend and I recently went on a holiday and ran into a group of people we knew. There was an informal party and she got drunk, after which I found her flirting with a guy. She didn’t recall any of it the next morning, but I recently found out that she has been chatting with him on WhatsApp. When I asked her about it, she told me she must have given him her number that night, and he has been messaging her. I asked her to block him and delete the number, but she says there is nothing wrong with her giving out her number to anyone. She accuses me of being jealous and possessive, but I am only reacting to the fact that she was flirting with this person. Who is right about this?
You are both trying to navigate an issue that has not been adequately addressed, hence the insecurity and irrational reactions to this situation. You have to speak openly about that night, and how her actions made you feel even if she doesn’t recall them. She needs to understand why you feel this way about the person she insists on chatting with, and why her doing so is hurting you. She also needs to separate jealousy or possessiveness from your reaction to a specific incident. These are compromises that need to be arrived at with patience and time, because no relationship is free of these issues. How you both address it will define how your relationship evolves in the months to come.
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Could I break up with my girlfriend and still be friends with her if I am the one who initiates the break up? She still wants to be with me but I am sure she is not right for me. I still want to be friends though. How do I do this?
You have the right to break up with her if this relationship isn’t working. She has the right to choose not to stay in touch if it hurts her.
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