Listening and acting upon what you are listening to are two different things, and it’s possible that she has a problem with the latter
Illustration/Uday Mohite
My boyfriend and I recently went on a holiday, our first outing since we began dating a year or so ago. It was nice, but also quite revelatory because it showed me that he can be moody and unpredictable, and I struggled to communicate with him on some days. I had no idea about this side to him because we have always dated in public, where he behaves in a completely different way. My feelings for him haven’t changed, but I am wondering if I should be worried about these things and slow this relationship down until I am sure he is someone I want to commit to. I haven’t asked him if he enjoyed the holiday with me, but I think I should so we can have a more frank discussion about how we see each other. Is this a good idea?
Talking about things that bother you is always a great idea because dialogue brings you closer together and prevents misunderstandings. It’s also important to see that holiday in a positive light because it is precisely about getting to know each other better, in a private setting. If something about his behaviour bothered you, it is important to air it out. And yes, he should be encouraged to do the same because you will only have an inkling of what you want from your partners if you talk about it. Don’t worry about slowing things down or jumping into anything deeper; just concentrate on better, more honest communication.
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How can I be a better listener? My girlfriend says I don’t really pay attention to what she wants or needs, and I think I do, but she doesn’t accept that. I do listen to her, but if she says I am not, then I’m not sure what I am doing wrong.
Listening and acting upon what you are listening to are two different things, and it’s possible that she has a problem with the latter.
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