We haven’t spoken in almost a year, and I have blocked him everywhere, so he has no way of contacting me anymore. It doesn’t seem to help
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I have been trying to get over a painful breakup for a while but, whenever I think I’m going to be okay, my ex-boyfriend’s history of lying and cheating remind me that I will be in pain for a long time. We were together for three years, and I was sure we would end up in a lifelong commitment until it all started to unravel, and I found out about his betrayal. I felt like a fool because I had not noticed anything for so long, which is probably why I am struggling to move on. I am now constantly worried that I am an extremely naïve person because no one could have got away with what he did if their partner wasn’t as foolish as I was. There were so many signs I missed, and I keep replaying them in my mind, which leads to more anger and frustration at myself more than him. We haven’t spoken in almost a year, and I have blocked him everywhere, so he has no way of contacting me anymore. It doesn’t seem to help. What should I do?
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The first thing is to stop being so hard on yourself and to tell yourself, as often as you can, that you are the victim here. To blame yourself for anything only absolves your ex of what he did and is a further act of betrayal against you. To trust someone is a virtue, not a failing, and you did what any person in an honest relationship can and should have done. He broke your trust, and that is what you need to focus on.
Not being able to move on is normal because you have had a shock that may take time to wear off. That feeling of being foolish or naïve will fade away too, when you start to forgive yourself. Also, remind yourself that, in time, you will meet someone who is as committed to you as you are to them, because not everyone can be like your ex-boyfriend.
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