How do I tell him this? Is it a sign that we shouldn’t be together? What do I do?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year and recently realised that I am always happier when I am on my own than when I am with him. I went on vacation two times over the past eight months and was always calmer and less anxious than I usually am. In fact, I began to get stressed only when it was time for me to return and I have begun to acknowledge that he is a stressful presence in my life. We love each other a lot, but he also gets me worked up about a lot of things and this affects my mental health in ways I have yet to fully understand. How do I tell him this? Is it a sign that we shouldn’t be together? What do I do?
If this is someone who doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, you shouldn’t be with him. It’s not about being in love alone because, even though that is critical, your mental health is more important. Ask yourself what you want out of a relationship and why you are in this one. Does it give you everything you think you need? If it doesn’t, put yourself and your needs first, and take some hard decisions even if they are difficult because they will ultimately benefit you in the long run. Tell him why you feel this way even if it is hard to talk about and give him a chance to respond. If he doesn’t see it from your perspective, you should do what is best for you.
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My boyfriend broke up with me saying he couldn’t please me sexually, and I don’t know how to respond.
You can respond with the truth and tell him whether or not that is true. Also, you should speak about whether physical intimacy is the only thing that keeps the two of you together. If you both want this to work, there are always ways and means of getting around any issues that seem insurmountable.
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