I don’t know if I am coming across as ungrateful, but am I wrong to make these comparisons?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, but I always feel as if his best friend is a much nicer, more considerate person. This has been the case since the day we were I introduced and, even though I don’t think he has feelings for me, I find myself always comparing his behaviour towards me with how my boyfriend treats me when we are all together. If we go out to a restaurant, it is his friend who asks what I would like to eat, not my boyfriend, and those little things sometimes matter more than grand gestures like a party for my birthday. I don’t know if I am coming across as ungrateful, but am I wrong to make these comparisons?
The comparisons don’t matter as much as your expectations from this relationship. If you want to be treated in a certain way, and are not, that is a problem. It’s perfectly normal to want things to be a certain way, and you shouldn’t have to expect concern and signs of care from someone you aren’t in a relationship with, because it means your partner isn’t playing that role very well. If this bothers you, there is no reason why you shouldn’t call it out. If it’s a behavioural issue, that can be changed because people need to learn how to treat other people and sometimes need help with those lessons. Talk to your boyfriend, point out what you think is lacking, and see if he agrees. If he doesn’t, he isn’t listening.
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I got a girl’s phone number at a party and messaged her when I got home but haven’t heard from her in two days. I thought we got along, so I am surprised. Should I send another message or is that pushy?
People may have all kinds of reasons why they can’t or don’t respond to messages. Nothing wrong with a reminder but, if she still doesn’t respond, it’s a sign that she isn’t interested. To message again will be churlish.
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