'Hello, I’m your neighbour, Rahul,' I say to her one morning, picking up the newspapers, as she returns from a party
Illustration/Uday Mohite
NOTE– (Eye Roll) refers to a rapid look up to the heavens to suggest:
1. ‘You can’t be serious!”
2. ‘Which planet are you from’?
3. ‘Man, you’re old fashioned’
Natasha, ‘Nats’ for short, is 17, and lives next door, having moved in last March.
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“Hello, I’m your neighbour, Rahul,” I say to her one morning, picking up the newspapers, as she returns from a party.
“Hi uncle…sup?” she says, lowering her mask.
“If you could avoid referring to me as ‘uncle’?” I suggest cheerily, through clenched teeth.
“No worries, Rahul uncle,” she chirrups, nonchalantly, a twinkle in her eye.
“So how’s uhm… life, treating you?” I enquire, transfixed by her mixed pink and black tresses.
“Sucks bruh.”
‘’What ‘sucks’, Nats?”
“Everything… this damn mask, can’t breathe, it covers half my face, guys trying to chat me up, talking really only to my eyes, can’t see what the dude looks like through the mask. Some OCD folks don’t wanna hang unless you’ve had both shots... it’s surreal, man. I’m fully fried.”
(Eye roll)
I change the topic.
“How was this ‘party’ you went to?”
“Pretty ‘awes’.”
“Uhm, pretty ‘awes’… means what exactly?”
“Awesome... ‘awes’ is short for awesome.”
(Eye roll)
“Should you be out socialising in closed places?” I enquire.
“Dude, FOMO.”
“FOMO?”
“Fear of missing out… everyone was there! Anyway, YOLO.”
‘What’s YOLO?”
“You only live once, yo.”
“You’re not from the city, right? Where did you move from?”
“Delhi. Couldn’t stay with the ‘rents’.”
“You’re telling me the rents are higher in Delhi.”
“Duh…. ‘rents’ is short for ‘parents’.”
(Eye roll)
“What’s with this thing you young people do of shortening every word... is that really necessary?”
“Yeah, it’s way cooler.”
“You think, the phrase, ‘Couldn’t stay with the rents’ is cooler than ‘Couldn’t stay with the parents’?
“Defo, dude.”
“Therefore what?”
(Eye roll)
“Not ‘therefore’, uncle… ‘defo’. Defo is short for ‘definitely.”
“I don’t get this,” I object.
“See bruh, with your gen, the words you use are so ‘blah’ … so boring… we like to add some attitude.”
“Give me an example,” I challenge.
“K. The word ‘whatever’ is dull… ’whateves’ is cooler… ‘tattoos’ is boring, ‘tats’ is happening.”
“So when do you think this ‘demic’ will end?” I ask.
‘Uhm bruh, what’s ‘demic’?”
“Short form for pandemic,” I explain.
I see her lips curl slightly, short form for a smile
“Bro, not everything has a short form... no one uses ‘demic’ for ‘pandemic’. LOL”
“What’s with these annoying acronyms… why not just laugh out loud… why say LOL or ROFL.”
“Uncle, you sound so old fashioned.”
“Okay, Nats… are you watching the new season of ‘Money Heist’?”
“Yeah began on Friday, it’s ‘so sick’ man!”
“Oh you don’t like it? I thought it was a rage.”
“No bruh, I love it… ‘it’s sick’ means ‘it’s great’.”
“Why do you young people’s phrases of positivity have negative phrases/words… I don’t get it?”
“Like what?”
“Like ‘it’s sick’ or ‘that’s wicked’. Also, what’s with this wrong usage of English? Take ‘my bad’ ? Why can’t you say, ‘my fault’, or ‘my mistake’?
“Cuz ‘my bad’ is way cooler yo…its ‘obs’.”
(Eye roll)
“What’s ‘obs’?”
“Oh man …. ‘obs’ is obviously.”
“Natasha, I thought the short form of obviously is ‘obvio’?”
“It used to be ‘obvio’, now it’s ‘obs’.”
Natasha took a pause.
“BTW, I’m heading to Goa with my ’bae’ for a few days.”
“Why, too much WFH,” I smile.
“Can’t take Boms, man, need a break.”
“Boms?”
“Boms... Bombay. Got it, uncle?”
(Eye roll)
“Okay have fun,” I say.
“‘Totes’ will.”
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com
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