We disagree on almost everything

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 28-year old woman and am dating a guy two years older. I love him a lot, but also disagree with almost everything he says. I don't know how to confront him about this because he gets defensive and I don't like confrontation, but the differences are becoming a huge problem because we have begun talking about taking our relationship to the next level. On the one hand, I want to commit to being with him for the rest of my life. On the other, I worry that the different ways in which we see the world will only lead to serious issues later. I can't even bring myself to have this conversation with him because I worry about how he will react. What do I do?
You can't have your cake and eat it too. Relationships are not always about happy times, and confrontations are an integral aspect of what allows two people to evolve and grow. You may not like having a difficult conversation, but assuming these issues will magically disappear without airing your point of view is naïve. You may love your boyfriend a lot, but a lifelong commitment cannot happen without honesty, and withholding how you really feel about anything is a form of dishonesty because it prevents your partner from understanding what's on your mind. It's okay to disagree on things because that's what mature adults do. It's not okay to leave serious issues unresolved because they fester and lead to resentment down the line. I suggest you think about how important this relationship is to you, what your wants and expectations from your partner are, and why you owe it yourself as well as him to be a little more transparent about the way you feel. He may get defensive, but not addressing something that clearly bothers you isn't a sensible way of planning the rest of your lives together. Try sending him an email if that makes things easier.

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