My friends just don’t like him...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 26-year-old in love with a guy who is around two years older, and whom none of my friends like. They have been telling me to ditch him for months now, because they think he is dismissive towards me as well as them. They don't see the sides of him that I do, but I also recognise that they have some genuine concerns because he does behave badly at times. The problem is that I am genuinely in love with him and believe I can get him to change. The longer I reject my friends' advice, the more they feel as if I don't care about them or their opinions. I feel as if I am being made to choose and it's tearing me apart. What should I do?
You say you are aware of bad behaviour on your boyfriend's part but believe you can change him. to base a relationship on what might be, rather than what is, may be a risk in the long run because change isn't always possible if someone doesn't want it to happen. If you see signs of something that makes you uncomfortable, the sooner you confront this, the easier it may be for you to look at your relationship more objectively. Your friends presumably care about you and have given you their reasons for why you shouldn't be with this person. Try stepping back and looking at this from their perspective, even if it may be difficult for you to separate any feelings from your point of view. Sometimes, it takes an outsider to identify a blind spot, so you should take what they say seriously. Being in love with someone also brings with it the risk of glossing over their faults, which may work at the start of a relationship but can't be sustained because it may start to harm you. You don't have to choose between your boyfriend and your friends, but you do need to think about yourself and what you want out of this.

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