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How can I convince my boyfriend to be more attentive to me when I am feeling low? I struggle with depression and know it becomes difficult for people to be around me when I am not okay, but he doesn’t seem to grasp what it takes to be a partner in those times. I have spoken to him about this often and he has tried to understand, but always fails when he is supposed to be there for me. I know he loves me a lot and don’t doubt his intentions, but this can be a problem for our relationship going forward because I may have this condition for years and need a partner who gets it. How do I deal with this?
Depression isn’t something that can be handled without the right tools, as you know from personal experience. Your boyfriend doesn’t have those tools, because it is hard for a lot of people who don’t struggle with this ailment to understand how debilitating it can be. If he has his heart in the right place and genuinely wants to be supportive, he will need to speak to someone who can offer him the right coping mechanisms and tools to help you. If you are speaking to a therapist, ask him to consider reaching out to one too, because mental illness can do as much damage to a relationship as a physical ailment can. Nothing prevents the two of you from making this work though, and all you need is a little help. Tell him you know he’s trying his best, ask him to acknowledge that he isn’t being as supportive as he would like to be, and work on this together. It may take a little time, but it can be done.
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The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com