"Yesterday day does not exist nor does the day before," says my therapist, Mr D'Souza
"Yesterday day does not exist nor does the day before," says my therapist, Mr D'Souza. "It's gone. Of course, you have the information about yesterday it's all there," he says. "But why lug the emotions from thousands of yesterdays around with you it's those emotions that are the trouble."
Is it possible, I ask, to put the emotions of the past in a drawer, filed under L, for leave me alone, and for them to cease influencing me, as they often do, in a restricting way? I've never been good at filing or at talking in abstract terms. "You will learn," says Mr D'Souza. "And it's not abstract, it's perfectly practical."
This afternoon I had a snooze on my sofa while reading, rolled over and broke one of the handles of my glasses I had no choice but to see it as a glasses half-full situation. "One handle is fine I can see and it would be far worse to have spilled tea on my laptop" was my thinking. I could have gone: "You are useless, you can't have a nap without destroying your goggles". Then I would have been at a loss.
Once, at a modern art gallery in London I was admiring a chair with a pen, a notepad and a paper cup on it it belonged to the security guard. I stood there and within a couple of minutes, an American couple stepped up to admire the work. The security guard came back with a sandwich and took his seat. The couple quickly shuffled away it made me smug and happy.
Not drinking, that makes me happy being in Goa helps. In Mumbai I drank for a week to mark having avoided drink for a few months in London. "Strange way to celebrate not drinking," said my therapist, "drinking for a week."
I hadn't intended to but Bombay's like London, if you're not drinking people think you need help "How long have you had this problem? Have you sought help? You know there are anonymous meetings to help you back on to the booze."
The question of sustained happiness remains, though. The UK is officially unhappy. For the past few weeks press attention has been fixed on the expenses of MPs.. something it did not worry about before the financial meltdown. An unassuming 48-year-old amateur singer who became a YouTube sensation after her stellar turn on a televised talent show was described by one of the shows judges as being an "antidote" to the recession. That's how bad things are.
I've come to India to become happier. The way I intend to do this is by writing my first book of short stories and this is only possible if I lose my old habit of not writing my first book of short stories.
Here's one with a Goan twist:
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a goat that had run away. When they got up the hill they found that there was no other side as such and the goat had fallen into a massive pit an iron ore mine with tractors and security guards milling about.
"My goodness," cried Jill. "Look what's happened to our beautiful forest."
"Who cares about the trees," said Jack. "Let's go get the goat."
They scrambled down the hill and found that the goat was dead. Three skinny men in uniforms came up to them, flanking a well-built man in a suit. "You're trespassing," he said, pointing to the sign that read: "Private Property. Danger. Keep out."
"Sorry," said Jill and Jack together when they were nervous they talked in tandem. "It's our goat. We were minding our own business and it ran away and came here and now it's dead."
"OK," said the man. "But off you go now and please don't come here again we'll bury the goat, don't worry."
"Thanks," said Jill and Jack, who were shivering with tears as they set off. Then Jack said: "If it's not rude of me to ask sir, what is it you are doing on this side of the hill and where has it gone?"
"It'll be back," said the man. "Nature is provident. As for us, we're just, er, mining our own business." "But the hill was here yesterday," Jill piped up.
"And the day before," said Jack.
"Children, children," said the man, with a laugh that sent a chill down their spine. "Yesterday doesn't exist."
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Iranian-born Peyvand Khorsandi is a journalist and stand-up comic based in London. He is in Goa writing his first collection of short stories.
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