Am I making a huge mistake by not listening to them?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
Is it normal to be in a relationship and question if love is enough? I love my boyfriend a lot, but don’t think it’s going to make me commit to anything long-term because I don’t feel confident about us. He doesn’t make me feel secure or hopeful about the future because he lives in the moment. There is no sign that he is planning anything with his own career, and he just believes in taking life as it comes. I am someone who likes to invest time and energy in everything because that is how I was raised, and there is a mismatch in terms of compatibility. My friends tell me love is the most important thing and everything else can be sorted out, but they aren’t the ones who will have to live in this relationship if I accept him as my partner for life. Am I making a huge mistake by not listening to them?
No, you’re doing the right thing by recognising that you and your partner alone are qualified to make a decision about whether this relationship is right for you. Yes, love is critical, but everything else you mentioned also goes a long way towards building a strong and healthy bond. If you aren’t feeling secure, that is a very real sign that this isn’t going to work unless there is a radical change in what either of you expect from each other. Second-guessing yourself is normal because you love your partner, but making decisions based on clarity of thought, rather than emotion alone, is always the best thing to do.
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How can I overcome my anxiety around women whenever I speak to them? I always get embarrassed and can’t hold a conversation for more than a few minutes.
Try and identify what your stumbling blocks are, think of topics you would like to discuss beforehand, and try to accept them as just people you would like to know better, rather than treating them as members of the opposite sex.
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