Base your decision on what is important to you, because you will have to live with your decision either way.
Illustration/Uday Mohite
How do I tell my girlfriend that I am not a virgin? She asked me about this before we began dating and I lied because I was afraid of how she would react if she knew I was in a serious long-term relationship before I met her. Now, she and I have been together for three years and have begun talking about marriage. If I don’t tell her the truth, I will have to stay quiet about it forever. I am not comfortable with this because I don’t want to begin a lifelong commitment without being honest. I am afraid of what might happen, and that she may break up with me for not telling her this before. What should I do?
You’re right about honesty being critical for a healthy relationship, and fear of how she may react shouldn’t prevent you from telling her what you want to. What you are worried about is still the past, because that relationship ended a long time ago. It has no bearing on your current relationship, and your partner shouldn’t have a problem given that she was not around at the time. If it is your virginity that is important to her, she may need to separate that biological fact from who you are as a person, and what you represent for her. Tell her why you withheld this information, and why it is important for you to be honest. If she ends this relationship because of what happened in your past, the loss may inevitably be hers. Base your decision on what is important to you, because you will have to live with your decision either way.
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A few days ago, a guy I have been dating told me that he loved me. Since then, he doesn’t mention it again. What do I make of this?
How do you feel about him? If you would like him to express interest again, why not just ask him what’s on his mind and why he said what he did? Be open.
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