Is this a red flag I should be wary about?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 32-year old woman and have been in a relationship with a man who was married when we first began dating and got a divorce a few months after we got together. His marriage was ending, and he had separated from his wife when we met, so I didn’t feel guilty about it. We have now been together for two years and I really like him and appreciate where this relationship is going. I think he wants to marry me, but I am a little wary because I don’t fully understand what went wrong with his ex-wife and would like to know more about their relationship before I consider his proposal. He says it’s a closed book because he has put it behind him and doesn’t want to talk about it again, but I don’t know if this means he is hiding something. Is this a red flag I should be wary about?
You should consider your relationship with him, and how he behaves with you, because that matters more than anything else. He has a right to not discuss his past if it upsets him, and while your argument is reasonable, it doesn’t change the fact that every relationship is different, and you may never know what went on between him and his ex-wife because they alone know what being married to each other was like. The red flags you should consider are those that affect how he treats you, whether he respects you, and whether you find anything about his behaviour concerning. If it is just his past, and he wants to put it behind him, you may have to take a leap of faith and trust your relationship with him alone.
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What can I say to someone who may be interested in me but isn’t ready to commit?
You can tell the person how you feel, ask him or her to take as much time as they need, and meet them more often so they can try and understand you a little better.
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