I wish we could get back together but that isn’t even something I can consider because we have not exchanged a word in so long. What should I do?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 28-year old woman and ended a serious relationship around a year ago. My ex-boyfriend and I were together for almost five years, since we met in college, and were pretty sure we would marry until some serious differences cropped up and we broke up. I thought a lot about what went wrong and, after all this time, believe he was right, and I was being unnecessarily stubborn about a few things. He had our best interests at heart, and I just didn’t see it at the time. He and I have not communicated in any way since the break-up because it was too painful. I want to tell him how I feel, but also feel guilty because he may have finally begun to heal. I wish we could get back together but that isn’t even something I can consider because we have not exchanged a word in so long. What should I do?
If you have something specific to say, you should, via email if you have to, because managing his grief isn’t on you. Yes, he may have moved on and may have no intention of responding, but that isn’t something you can be sure of unless you reach out. Without communication, neither of you can figure out a path forward, whether that means getting back or choosing to go your separate ways. Telling him how you feel may be good for your mental health though, if only to enable you to forgive yourself for anything you have held on to, or to absolve yourself for anything you blame yourself for.
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How can I convince my partner that this relationship is worth holding on to? She gives up on everything easily and I think it’s the wrong decision for us.
All you can do is make your case and tell her how you feel, and why. As an adult, what she chooses to do with that information is up to her. You can’t force someone into a relationship even if it’s great.
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