I don’t want to get into a relationship with him if I was his second choice. Am I being too picky or unreasonable?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I recently found out that a guy who asked me out a while ago had reached out to a friend before me. She rejected his advances before he messaged me. We have been on three dates since, but he hasn’t mentioned this. I like him a lot but have now begun to feel as if I was his back-up plan because my friend didn’t go out with him. Maybe I am reading too much into this, but should I confront him and just ask him if that’s why he asked me out? He hasn’t said anything about his feelings for me, but there is an implication that he may ask me out again. I don’t want to get into a relationship with him if I was his second choice. Am I being too picky or unreasonable?
There’s nothing wrong with asking him a direct question, but there’s nothing wrong with him not mentioning this either. People ask other people out on dates, and it’s normal to accept a rejection and ask someone else out. It doesn’t necessarily imply that you were his back-up plan, or that you were his second-best option. What matters is how you feel about him, and whether he comes across as genuine in his interactions with you. If this bothers you, ask him about it by all means, and give him a chance to explain. What you do with his response then depends upon your own feelings for each other based on the time you have spent together.
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A few months ago, I had a one-night stand with someone who has been very casual with it and treats me like a friend. I think it meant more to me than it did to him, which is what makes me depressed. Should I ask him out?
You can if you think you would like to get to know him better, but you should also be prepared to accept his refusal if you were both clear about that incident. Either way, try sending him a message.
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