If you are unhappy about the difference between his words and his actions, call him out and ask for an explanation
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 24-year old woman and have a lot of friends, but none of whom I consider particularly close. I seem to keep them all at a distance, and never let them get to know me very well, even though I have known some of them for many years. They have all tried to get me to open up, and I know they love me and care about me, but I can’t seem to shave off this sense of reserve when it comes to my personal life. I worry about this sometimes because I have never been in a relationship, and I am aware that honesty and openness is critical for any relationship to work. How do I change this about myself? Is it healthy behaviour, and should I try and let my friends get to know me better before I even attempt to date someone?
You shouldn’t be so harsh on yourself if you aren’t comfortable being as open as everyone else is. It’s part of who you are, and you really should do what makes you comfortable, even if this takes years. Yes, being open and honest is important for any successful relationship, but part of that honesty means being able to talk about how reserved you are, and why you need time to open up. Why worry about the implications of this before you date, or before you meet someone you genuinely want to be with? You may be surprised by how compelled you feel to let someone into your life once you really want to.
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Does my boyfriend like me more than his friends? I wonder about this because he always says he does, but almost never puts me first if they call and ask him to do something. He always has some excuse for why he can’t avoid them, and it makes me feel as if he is just placating me.
If you are unhappy about the difference between his words and his actions, call him out and ask for an explanation.
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