Taking stock is important, as is the establishment of expectations, because that is how you can both arrive at a place of better understanding
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I have been married for a little over four years and it sometimes feels as if my husband enjoys spending time with work colleagues more than with me. He comes home late, says he has no choice because it affects his promotion, but I can see that he genuinely loves being with them because he even chats with them on weekends. I don’t know if he finds me boring, but he doesn’t do anything with me if it’s not a movie or dinner somewhere. We don’t have long chats, or conversations about anything meaningful, and I just feel neglected. I tried telling him this and he pacified me and said I was imagining it, but I can’t imagine how I feel. How do I resolve this?
Your husband telling you that you are imagining what you’re feeling is an example of gaslighting and he should be called out for it. If you feel neglected, and have spoken about this, it is a sign that he isn’t taking you seriously which is disrespectful. This is a red flag that should be addressed by both of you, because it can lead to issues down the line and neither of you presumably wants that to happen. I suggest you insist on some time with him, possibly a holiday, and tell him why this is an indication that your marriage is not as healthy or strong as he thinks it to be. Taking stock is important, as is the establishment of expectations, because that is how you can both arrive at a place of better understanding.
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My fiancé is great, but her father drives me crazy by always being condescending towards me. What should I do?
Try and look at this from his perspective, as well as hers, and tell her how you feel so she gets to see this from your side too. Your relationship with him will evolve with time but, until then, it may require you to be more patient and speak to him more even if it’s difficult.
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