To act according to one’s conscience may be difficult, but your decision should be based upon what is important to you
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 28-year old woman and have been dating a guy two years older. We have been together for a year and, a while ago, I realised that he has been lying about petty things. If I ask him what he did over the weekend, for example, he says he was at home even though I know he was with friends because one of them posted photographs on Facebook. Whenever I ask about this, he starts to get defensive and says I should treat him like an adult. I don’t understand what he means because it’s not as if am being disrespectful or trying to control his life in any way. I am just trying to get him to be honest, and he has no reason to lie because these are non-issues. Am I right to be worried or should I just write this off as some quirk of his personality?
Lying is not a quirk. It is a wilful decision because even if someone says they can’t help it, they are choosing to withhold information or offer wrong information to someone they claim to love and trust. Your boyfriend may have all kinds of reasons to lie, but the lie in question matters less than why he chooses to do it. Tell him why this is hurtful and ask him to empathise, because he may not have considered the possibility of being lied to. If he doesn’t get why this is about respect, you will both need to work hard on this relationship if it is to have any kind of future.
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My friend cheated on her boyfriend, and I don’t know what to do because, whenever I see him, I am tempted to tell him about her. Isn’t this a betrayal of my friendship with her?
Friendships, like any relationship, can break depending upon what one person considers to be an act of betrayal. To act according to one’s conscience may be difficult, but your decision should be based upon what is important to you.
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