You’re not being harsh because you alone can decide what is a sign of love or affection
Illustration/Uday Mohite
How do I cope with a partner who is always forgetful and does things that cause a lot of harm to our relationship? This sounds like a trivial matter, but it’s not. I believe someone who doesn’t care to remember important details that affect their partner’s life is not concerned about that partner. I have repeated this many times, because I always remember important things about his life, but it’s never reciprocal. It’s not as if there are no signs of love or care, but if he genuinely wants to show how important I am, shouldn’t this be a priority? Am I being too harsh?
You’re not being harsh because you alone can decide what is a sign of love or affection. Actions always speak louder than words and if this is something you have been explicit about, the onus is definitely on him to step up. It makes sense to consider if these instances of forgetfulness only apply to you though, or if he is forgetful in general. If it’s just part of his personality, there may be little you can do. If it’s just you, you’re right about insisting on him reworking his priorities. To not make any effort at changing is not healthy for any relationship. If he doesn’t get this, or refuses to give it the seriousness it deserves, you may have to lower your expectations, which won’t be fair to you.
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I need to give my wife an ultimatum about getting a better job or ending our marriage because I can’t cope with the financial burden of managing our house alone. Is my demand justified?
Have you considered her perspective? Financial issues can tear any relationship apart, and accepting this will only defer an argument without solving anything. There may be reasons for this that aren’t being discussed, so why not have an honest conversation about what needs to be done and why she can’t seem to pull her weight?
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