If you feel the same way a month from now, acknowledge that it’s based on genuine reasons. Ultimately, the only person qualified to gauge this is you
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I ended a relationship a few months ago, and recently found out that my ex-boyfriend has been messaging one of my best friends. She didn’t tell me about this, presumably because she didn’t want me to be upset, but I am also worried that she may be interested and that they may end up getting into a relationship. This shouldn’t bother me, but it does, and I am not sure what I can do about it. I don’t want to get into an awkward situation with my friend, but I also know there will be some difficulties in us staying friends if she chooses to be with my ex. It is causing me unnecessary stress even though I know my friend is an adult who can be with anyone she wants to be. Am I being immature? What should I do to manage this?
You’re not being immature, because this is a difficult situation for anyone to handle. This isn’t to say it can’t be done, because everyone involved can just choose to be mature about it. The first thing to do, if it bothers you, is reach out to your friend for clarity. Don’t jump to conclusions without giving her an opportunity to put across her side of things. She may be trying to protect you, but she is also within her rights to make any decision affecting her own life. If you can both talk about your feelings, what is and isn’t important, and why this shouldn’t affect your friendship, it can be done. Things may be tricky for a while, but time should smoothen out all rough edges.
How does someone know if they have reached the end of a relationship? I think I have, but don’t want to be hasty and make a decision I regret.
Try writing down what you think works and doesn’t work. If you feel the same way a month from now, acknowledge that it’s based on genuine reasons. Ultimately, the only person qualified to gauge this is you.
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