My worry is this will create some distance between my boyfriend and me. I want to avoid this. How can I make things better between us?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
My boyfriend’s friends don’t really accept me as an equal. I understand this because they have been friends for decades, while I have just been with him for just seven or eight months, but I feel excluded from their banter whenever there is a party, or we are hanging out together. I know he tries to include me, and it’s not his fault that we don’t connect, but I end up feeling lonely and never enjoy those nights out. I have tried to speak to them more, and be more attentive to what they’re saying, but we have nothing in common and it feels forced. My worry is this will create some distance between my boyfriend and me. I want to avoid this. How can I make things better between us?
You can’t do anything other than be yourself. Also, you have to separate your relationship with your boyfriend from your relationship with his friends. It’s perfectly okay to have nothing in common with them, and also okay to not be close to any of them because they are not part of your life. If this causes issues between you and your boyfriend, it can be resolved by getting him to understand that these boundaries need to exist and are perfectly normal. This will also evolve with time, because the more you meet his friends, the easier you will start to be around each other. Don’t do anything you aren’t already doing, and let things happen on their own.
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Is it okay to have a great relationship in every department except physical intimacy?
If there is something you would like to change, it is important to talk about it and make sure your individual expectations are being met. It won’t happen without communication and honesty, and accepting something that doesn’t satisfy you may lead to resentment down the line. Speak up about what you would like to change and consider meeting with a professional if necessary.
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