How toddlers are coping with lockdown

Babies born right before, and during lockdown, havent felt grass, fallen off a cycle or made friends their age. Parents and psychologists make sense of a different babyhood

In the 2017 movie Everything, Everything, the 18-year-old heroine, Maddy, is being treated for a rare immune disorder called Severe combined immunodeficiency. This means that she can't step out of her house, without seriously causing harm to herself. But of course, the outside has a charm she can't ignore. And so she falls in love with her neighbour Olly, who wants to help her experience all that the world has to offer.

In many ways, 2020 has been a year where real life has imitated art, instead of vice versa. We were hit by a deadly virus, and everything we held dear was threatened, including our freedom. For children born just before lockdown, and during, freedom has been a concept yet to be explored. As candle-maker Itee Ghosalkar, who gave birth to baby Dev last October, says, "My child's understanding and perception of the world is 'life is like this only'. How is he going to miss what he doesn't know. And that's what is sad." Dev hasn't met any other children his own age, even though he has spent time outside in their family home in Ratnagiri, where Itee and her husband Swapnil went to stay during the lockdown. Now that they are back in Mumbai, at Dombivli, they are slowly starting to take him out to the garden in their building compound. "He connects with adults, as he meets more of them during lockdown. There is a child I have been trying for him to play with. But he skips the boy, and says hi to the mom instead. I worry most about his socialising skills later on, especially with people his own age," laughs Ghosalkar, who was until recently giving him Vitamin D supplements to make up for lack of exposure to sunshine. "That's so unnecessary. I spoke to the paediatrician, who feels that for now, safety is most important. But we have been advised to have some kids visit our home, so that he can spend time with them. The doctor feels that later, it could lead to him becoming too independent and preferring to be alone."

Priyanka Bhosle says her daughter, Hridvi Silswal, is not getting to make any memories of the outside, and worries that her screen time is high

A study published by the American orgnisation, The National Center for Biotechnology Information, says that, "it was found younger children were more likely to manifest symptoms of clinginess… Although, severe psychological conditions of increased irritability, inattention and clinging behaviour were revealed by all children irrespective of their age groups. Based on the questionnaires completed by the parents, findings reveal that children felt uncertain, fearful and isolated during current times. It was also shown that children experienced disturbed sleep, nightmares, poor appetite, agitation, inattention and separation related anxiety." The study hits true for Bharati Jha, who had twins four months ago. Zara and Abir, who are growing up in Powai, haven't really seen much of the world, except their home, the inside of the car and their grandparents home in Oshiwara. "So, Abir is a social baby, and is usually happy. But Zara has become very scared. If you take her out of the house, she cries. For the first half hour, she isn't comfortable anywhere—be it with her grandparents or the garden downstairs. We have to mentally prepare for each trip, as she takes a while to calm down."

But psychologist Hvovi Bhagwagar feels that other than relatively new research that has shown that toddlers all over the world are showing more startled responses than before, she is not entirely sure that the child's behaviour is due to the lockdown. "It's mostly due to the parent's anxiety level. For example, older research which was done on kids born, or who grew up, in Nazi camps, revealed that the kids who were affected were the ones who were separated from their parents. The ones who had parents, were fine later on, as their safety came from the one they were attached to, not the exterior circumstances. The same can be said of children born during the SARS outbreak, or those who have survived earthquakes and hurricanes. It all depends on the parent." Bhagwagar believes that thanks to the Internet, there are many virtual playgrounds that the parent can introduce the child to, so that their anxiety levels can come down. Jehanzeb Baldiwala, director of mental health services at the Umeed child development centre, agrees with Bhagwagar. "It is affecting parents more than children. The child's behaviour is dependent on the parent's mental health. Children should be exposed to reading, and other arts, so that they can tide over this time."

Itee Ghosalkar is worried that Dev, who is one year old, only connects with adults, and not children his own age, as he hasn't spent time with any

For Priyanka Bhosle, the main concern for her daughter Hridvi, who does like to pretend she is reading by holding a book and murmuring, is that she is missing out on the "scars" only childhood brings. "All of us have so many scars and so many stories of childhood. We fell down from the cycle and such. She has no such stories. I feel physical activity is what she is lacking most—even small things like feeling the grass." Hridvi also doesn't' like meeting anyone new other than her parents and extended family, and often slips into a room when someone new comes by. "Also, you can't entertain her all day, so I feel she is getting more cranky." But, Bhosle agrees that it is she in fact, who needs a break. "As a parent, I am getting cranky too. Sometimes I just want to lay down and stare at the ceiling." She is dealing with her daughter's lack of outside time by giving her opportunities to connect with everyone at home. Hridvi loves to play with her dog Buddy, spend time with her grandmother when she is cooking, and painting her own body the rest of the time. "I am sure the other problems will go away, but her screen time is the habit that worries me most. Sometimes, you just give them a phone or tablet, so that they can keep themselves entertained. And, that could cause trouble."

Bharati Jha, who had twins four months ago, says her daughter, Zara, only feels safe at home, and that every time they step out, she gets scared and cries

Jehanzeb Baldiwala and Hvovi Bhagwagar

Keep scrolling to read more news

Catch up on all the latest Mumbai news, crime news, current affairs, and a complete guide from food to things to do and events across Mumbai. Also download the new mid-day Android and iOS apps to get latest updates.

Mid-Day is now on Telegram. Click here to join our channel (@middayinfomedialtd) and stay updated with the latest news

"Exciting news! Mid-day is now on WhatsApp Channels Subscribe today by clicking the link and stay updated with the latest news!" Click here!