We need a political reality show

It’s ridiculous how no one has considered putting politicians on television for the purpose of entertainment yet

All this talk of political horse-trading in Maharashtra earlier this month began to bore me after a point. It made us seem naïve, as if we all expected ministers to put the interests of our state over and above personal gain. When was the last time we came across a minister that cared about the constituency he or she was elected from anyway?

I was particularly amused at the use of a word as mild as ‘horse-trading’ to describe what was really an affront to the democratic process. At the same time, the term was somehow appropriate because it allowed me to think of these party-jumping politicians as something other than elected representatives. Horse-trading was, in that sense, apt: the buying and selling of something less than human.

Our entertainment companies waste too much time and money putting up reality shows that focus on failed movie and television stars. I have often wondered why they don’t invite politicians to some 5-star hotel instead. Why not set up multiple cameras and give us a ring-side view of how these men—and the odd woman or two among them—behave when they aren’t in Parliament? Why assume only television stars are capable of crude, obnoxious behaviour?

The argument that this could make for boring television holds no water because anyone who watches live proceedings from Parliament can tell within seconds that these Indians are far more entertaining than the ones routinely paraded on Big Boss. Look at the way they posture, for instance, always armed with the delusion that millions of us are hanging on to their every word. Look at the self-importance with which they read awful speeches and thump desks in anger or agreement, as if to fool themselves into thinking that what they are doing is actual work. Look at the lack of inhibition with which they brazenly air their ignorance about everything under the sun.

What adds a frisson of danger to these proceedings is the fact that these people represent a billion of us and are tasked with making sure our country works. Their decisions always change lives, and often lead to the loss of lives too. Look at how they disregard this constantly and tell me it doesn’t make for great television. If we were to simply juxtapose their speeches with footage of Indians standing in line during the demonetisation exercise, or Indians struggling to get home during the first forced COVID-19 lockdown, or Indians dying outside hospitals for lack of access to oxygen or beds, think of how compelling a show like that could be.

Television channels recently spent hours following some of these ministers from one hotel to another, trying to get them to comment on which state government they intended to overthrow next. That these proceedings were being filmed in a place that was struggling with the devastating effect of flooding was ignored, because why should ministers be asked to talk about rescue efforts when they can be asked about switching political sides instead?

Another advantage of a reality show starring politicians is how much easier it becomes for corporate houses and our usual Indian billionaires to show support by publicly funding their favourites. We know they do this behind the scenes anyway, because not all of us get our information solely from WhatsApp, so why not open it all up for public consumption? Maybe ministers can even be asked to wear branded clothing to show who their sponsors are, thereby giving us a better idea of which public assets may be auctioned to private players well in advance. It makes for entertainment combined with public service, and who can argue with that?

I preempt criticism for this idea because we are taught that politicians and ministers are to be respected. They work for us, apparently, and exist so that we and our country can be safe, secure, and better. Unfortunately, respect is a two-way street. When media reports refer to ‘horse-trading’, it conveniently glosses over the fact that what is happening here is an act of subversion. It is an act of wilful disregard that ignores the will of the people.

When ministers choose to disregard the democratic process and turn elections into an auction, switching sides and manifestos for the right price, they demean not just themselves but the rest of us. They turn our country into a joke for personal gain. It’s why they belong not in Parliament, but on reality television. Or in a circus that’s missing its clowns.

When he isn’t ranting about all things Mumbai, Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet. He tweets @lindsaypereira

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The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper

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