In addition, his two-wheeler also emitted a foul smell
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So Lobo Lobo - that's Mr Thelonious Lobo to you, dear reader - came over the other day, his scooter making the loudest sound ever heard, sending the neighbourhood cats and dogs running for cover. In addition, his two-wheeler also emitted a foul smell.
"Lobo Lobo, what is that terrible racket your bike is making?" I asked him. "Don't call her 'bike', men, che, she is my 'Priyanka'!" he replied. "Priyanka? I thought her name was Angelina?" "It used to be, men, but I tought re-naming her in de present political climate would be… you know, men… advisable.""Okay. I get it, Lobo… Forget about politics… Tell me, why she is making so much noise?" "Dikuna, tell me, who can afford blinking petrol anymore - it is bleeding Rs 84 per litre men, highest price ever, burns a bleddy hole in de pocket, chhe. So I've concocted my own liquid - my 'Priyanka' and all scooties, motorbikes and rickshaws can now run smoodly, at Rs 10 per litre."
"You've created your own version of petrol?" "More like diesel. See, men, I'm an MA in Chemistry, from Burhani College, so I have my own small lab in my garage in Virar. I have mixed together cashew feni, beetroot juice, and hydrogen sulphide - it results in a variety of diesel, men. It cannot be used for de big big trucks,
or beemers but it can run all two wheelers."
"Lobo Lobo you're actually telling me that your scooty is functioning on a mixture of Goan alcohol, vegetable juice and an acid that smells of rotten eggs that you yourself have created. Are you serious?" "Yes, dats what I'm saying! I'm a inventor, men. I am de Michael Friday of diesel. I will soon be patenting it." "But why does the damn thing make such a racket and smell so bad?" "Boss, dere are downsides to any invention, men. When de Wright Brudders built dere planes, many times dey crashed into de sea. Macaroni had solid problems making de radio men."
"Marconi, Lobo, his name was Marconi, not Macaroni." "Yeah men, don't get technical, chhe. I'm saving de average scooterist so much dosh men, little bit of smell and noise comes wot's dere."
"And you're thinking of making a business out of it, to make barrels full of this... uhm…?" "Yes men, I'm slowly slowly expanding my operations. One day I will sell to de blinking Arabs." "So Lobo Lobo, I'm intrigued, this combo that you've invented of feni, beetroot juice and hydrogen sulphide, coming together to make this material, what is it called? What will history know you as, Thelonious Lobo the inventor of what?"
"It is called Coalition Oil… the combo of three totally unrelated elements to produce something -Coalition Oil." "And, why did you think of these three liquids specifically?" "See Mr Rahul, I used Feni because I'm Goan, beetroot juice, is healthy…" "And why hydrogen sulphide, Lobo Lobo?!" "Because, men, de smell is so bad, it will camouflage the alcohol breath at nakabandis, drunk riders will pass all breathalysers tests!"
Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com
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