It's amazing how our leaders think up solutions to problems few of us are even aware of, while issues that need attention are never addressed
A devotee offers food to a cow at a temple in New Delhi. A week go, cow vigilantes allegedly killed a Muslim man over suspicion of transporting cows in Alwar. Pic/AFP
A devotee offers food to a cow at a temple in New Delhi. A week go, cow vigilantes allegedly killed a Muslim man over suspicion of transporting cows in Alwar. Pic/AFP
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I don't know about you, but it's getting increasingly hard for me to tell fact from fiction when I look at what happens in our beloved country these days. I can't say anything negative about this, obviously, because that sort of thing is reserved only for countries that take freedom of speech seriously. So, in the spirit of being cooperative and extremely patriotic, I thought it made sense to simply look at three things that happened over the past couple of days and beg you, fellow patriotic reader, to consider why they tend to happen only in a glorious, progressive country like India.
It kicked off in Kota, Rajasthan, a place that some refer to as the 'capital of competitive exam coaching' in India. I'm not sure what that means, because I haven't heard of anything remotely intelligent or pioneering coming from that neck of the woods, but I suppose it means you can find more people studying things by rote there than anywhere else in the country. Anyway, earlier this week, the Kota Hostel Association issued a statement saying it intended to install springs in ceiling fans or replace them with wall fans in hostel rooms. They wanted to do this, apparently, because of a minor inconvenience caused by a large number of students killing themselves on the campus. These spectacular new fans will reportedly be designed to collapse if anyone tries to hang from them, or sound a 'hooter' to alert authorities concerned of any attempt to commit suicide.
To question this is, obviously, unpatriotic, but I was wondering why no one in Kota has taken the trouble of trying to find out why these students are killing themselves. It's obviously a problem, and has been going on long enough for someone, somewhere, to have a few vague clues about why they are being driven to end their lives. So, wouldn't it make more sense to invest in counselling or revamping the system rather than experimenting with hooters? But that's just me.
The other interesting thing came from the government of Maharashtra, an outstanding body that has always been at the forefront when it comes to dealing with things that don't really matter to anyone. This august body reportedly intends to enact a law preventing misuse of the names of gods, goddesses, national figures and forts (yes, forts) by beer bars, permit rooms and non-vegetarian eateries. Because, as everyone knows, people who drink alcohol or eat non-vegetarian food are inferior to human beings who avoid both these things and survive on palak paneer and buttermilk. It's what our gods and goddesses used to consume too, on the basis of eyewitness accounts.
And, speaking of palak paneer, there was an amendment bill passed in the Gujarat Assembly prescribing life imprisonment for those found guilty of slaughtering cows, with the state's Chief Minister expressing his wish of making Gujarat a "vegetarian" state. He said he wasn't against any food, of course, because that's exactly what wanting a vegetarian state means, but added heft to his argument by pointing out that his state has long followed the Mahatma's principles of non-violence and truth. And yes, both these principles may have been ignored for a short while in 2002, but to remind the CM of that would be tantamount to treason, so we shouldn't mention it.
The Gujarat Animal Preservation (Amendment) Bill also has a provision of 10-year imprisonment for the transportation, storage or sale of beef, and permanent forfeiture of vehicles involved in the transportation of progeny of cows and beef. If you think your job is pointless or boring, think about the people who have been given this task for a minute, who have to establish familial links between cows in order to make Gujarat great again. It makes my job seem more interesting almost instantly, which is a good thing.
We have a long tradition of missing the wood for the trees in our country, of shooting the messenger and throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
In fact, these idioms may well have been created with India in mind, considering how our elected leaders spend their time in Parliament, thinking up solutions to problems few of us are even aware of. It's also interesting how the problems we are all aware of are never addressed. I look forward to some politician somewhere, at some point in my lifetime, actually doing something beneficial for India, if only by mistake. I simply live in hope, because it's the only thing I've got.
When he isn't ranting about all things Mumbai, Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet. He tweets @lindsaypereira Send your feedback to mailbag@mid-day.com
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