Mr and Mr Right is not wrong

Same-sex marriage threatens entrenched, unequal power system; equality will result in improvement of happiness index

A Constitution bench of the Supreme Court is currently hearing pleas seeking legal recognition of same-sex marriages in India. The petitions say that the right to marry a person of one’s choice should be extended to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer (LGBTIQ+) people as well. The Centre has opposed the petition.

Perhaps one of the most significant developments came on Wednesday, when the Centre told the Supreme Court that it will set up a committee to explore administrative solutions to daily problems faced by same-sex couples. The petitioners though, have pressed on for marriage rights for same-sex couples, as it should be.

We say India is the mother of democracies but today, in the global context, that is a huge farce, looking at the fight for same-sex marriage rights. The LGBTIQ+ community is a significant percentage of the population… we are not as miniscule as made out to be.

I am certain that most people who are opposing same-sex marriage rights really do not know the issue in its entirety, what it entails, what the community is asking for and how it affects lives holistically. What equal rights means is not threatening the social order, as opponents like to say, painting a picture of anarchy, but threatening an entrenched, unequal system. That is where the real fear stems from.

When people ask why marriage? I have to stress that a lot of same-sex couples have got ‘married’ in this country. They have had ceremonies with pandits etc. Yet, we have much more when same-sex marriage has legal recognition. We have the right to build a house, own property together. We can have a joint bank account. Today, if my partner is injured and admitted to a hospital, I do not have the right to sign certain forms, to greenlight a medical procedure or treatment.

There are some who say same-sex couples, even if they are married, should not be allowed to adopt children. This is homophobic and extremely hateful, based on assumptions like a two-year-old child to be adopted does not have a ‘choice’ or a ‘voice’ that he or she would prefer to be brought up by a heterosexual couple. 

I say that an adopted child may want to be in a same-sex family, but a two-year-old does not have a ‘voice’ or ‘choice’ to decline a heterosexual couple as parents and opt for a same-sex couple. We need to normalise same-sex couples as parents; that is one way to put the brakes on bullying in schools. We have gay children who have died by suicide because of the shaming and bullying. With these barriers, we are supporting an unkind world. We need to recognise and celebrate love and relationships.

That the ‘centre’ is against same-sex marriage and taking a populist stance, for votes. There is also a small percentage of people who will always be unhappy seeing somebody else happy, period.

So much has been made about how our system will collapse if same-sex marriages are allowed. If this so-called system is so fragile, it is not worth preserving. I think we will have a better society when individuals are allowed to live with dignity and most importantly, integrity. Today, because of the pressure, some ‘heterosexual’ marriages are built on an edifice of lies. A gay person, in the closet, has to get ‘married’ and live a lie. If same-sex marriages are allowed, you will have many coming out and claiming their equal space in the world, you have the happiness index of a country improving too. Whatever the outcome, there is a sense of pride and anticipation in the community. As for me, personally, (haha) maybe it is time to start looking for Mr Right.

As told to Hemal Ashar 

Onir is a filmmaker and writer

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