How has the pandemic changed modern relationships

A recent survey by a dating app has revealed that the pandemic has changed how we perceive and what we expect from romantic relationships

Being single in this city can be an especially lonely and complicated experience. But when you add a pandemic to the mix, experts say that the enforced isolation and time for introspection can alter what we want from relationships and their role in our lives. The numbers reflect this shift, as well. According to a recent report by dating app Tinder, users are engaging in conversations that were 32 per cent longer in February 2021 as compared to February 2020. The app also reported 11 per cent more swipes and 42 per cent more matches per Tinder member. But while these numbers present the eagerness of users to drive away their loneliness during the lockdown, they don't necessarily mean that singles have become less discerning or have lowered their standards when seeking love. If anything, the on-ground reality may be the complete opposite.

Ketaki Gokhale and Neha Khilnani

I've understood why relationships matter

For 28-year-old Sunny Agarwal, settling down with a partner had never been a priority until before the first lockdown. “During the pandemic, as is the case with many others, I was compelled to spend extended time with my parents and this made me acutely aware of our generational gap and differing ideologies, in terms of my plans for the future, my vision for my career and what I wanted from my life. In the past, being physically distanced from them due to my work and social life had dulled the intensity of these differences. That's when I began to realize that I'd never really seriously considered a romantic relationship because I never fully understood its significance in my life. But when I started feeling cornered in my own home because of these differences, I understood that I perhaps needed a support system that belongs to the same generation as I do, to make sense of the thoughts in my head,” the Mira Road-based marketing professional reveals. Being an extrovert, the loneliness began to weigh heavily, increasing the need for companionship. Although he admits that he isn't seeking an immediate solution, he's become more open to the idea of ​​a long-term relationship.

Sunny Agarwal

A clearer perspective of what matters

As a 33-year-old entrepreneur, Neha Khilnani says that she spent the early days of the pandemic focusing on dealing with her business and mitigating losses. This left her with very little time to go out and meet new people, she explains: “I find most online platforms very restrictive if you're looking for something meaningful — many platforms are associated with hook-ups and that perception interferes with interactions. I've become more picky about the platforms I choose and focus on those where users will invest time in getting to know me and being more communicative.” This, she says, has allowed her to focus on important cues that otherwise get drowned out by the chaos of daily life. “I'm especially keen on understanding the personality of the individual I'm speaking to before I decide to make the time and effort to meet them. Time is an especially scarce resource today. I consider the language they're using, the type of conversations we're building and the topics we connect on. I want to know that the other person is capable of moving beyond the banalities of small talk,” the Bandra girl adds. Echoing her views is the survey, which found that the pandemic had prompted members to be more introspective, truthful and vulnerable — mentions of the words 'anxiety' and 'normalise' in bios grew by 31 per cent and more than 15 times respectively.

The practicalities of love

“Having experienced a bad break-up, my mental health was at an all-time low during the lockdown. I became very insecure and found myself constantly battling negative thoughts that crowded my mind as I had little else to keep me occupied. I gained weight, lost my self-confidence and was struggling with depression. That's when I realized the importance of a partner who can give me the emotional support I need when I'm vulnerable,” shares 28-year-old counsellor Ketaki Gokhale, a Dahisar resident. As a mental health professional, she also found that many of her clients were struggling with established relationships as well as with settling into new ones. “Beyond the rush of romance, spending a lifetime with a partner must be a very practical decision. Many clients are seeking to live with someone to understand what the process really entails — from sharing physical space, to managing finances, beliefs about relationships, and attitudes towards careers and family. This can help give clarity about whether they can give each other the long-term companionship they are seeking," she feels. Similarly, the survey found that bios on the app included 19 per cent more mentions of the term 'boundaries' and 11 per cent more mentions of 'consent'.

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