Want to try speed dating? Experts share a handy guide for first-timers

With speed dating and singles’ mixers getting popular post the pandemic, organisers and dating coaches draw up a handy guide for first-timers

After more than two years of online dating, singles are swiping right for in-person mingling and how. Earlier this month, on Valentine’s Day, a speed dating event in Brussels saw 1,363 daters congregating at a repurposed warehouse, making it the world’s largest affair of its kind. In Mumbai, too, those looking for a match are queuing up for themed parties, lock-and-key mixers, curated speed dating events, and wine and beer-tasting mingling events. In fact, Bandra-based performance space Dorangos, which used to host a speed dating event only on Saturdays, now has slots from Friday to Sunday. Here’s an expert-approved checklist on dos and don’ts if you’re heading for your first mixer.

In the kitty

While Cat Cafe Studio (@catcafestudio) in Versova has been hosting speed dating sessions since 2018, they kicked it off for the first time since the pandemic on February 14. After registration, one has to fill out a form that helps the organisers screen genuine, safe participants. Daters are handed out cat pseudonyms (of kitties up for adoption) to ease the pressure, informs brand manager Lamya Kapadia. 

With light snacks and beverages, the two-and-a-half-hour event is facilitated in a way such that everyone gets to mingle. “One can chat, ask questions, and check out the chemistry with all participants in a string of one-on-one conversations lasting five minutes each. We provide each table with five to six conversation starter cards for those feeling a little shy,” shares Kapadia. She suggests:

>> Put your best foot forward behaviour-wise. Try to make your date laugh; it helps break the ice. Everyone is there to have a good time, so don’t direct sarcasm towards your date in the five minutes. Try not to reject someone over the smallest of issues, unless it’s a red flag.

>> Look out for instances of sexism or misogyny.

>> Check if the participant doesn’t let you get a word in or doesn’t contribute enough to the conversation. It’s also a red flag if they immediately start disagreeing with you about your viewpoints before carefully assessing, or are overly critical.

>> Make a note if they are constantly bringing up their ex or past bad dating experiences.

>> If you’re shy, prepare a set of questions, such as their favourite movies, books or music, what they like to do for fun, about their job, etc.

Planning matters

There are three kinds of participants at dating events, decodes matchmaker and relationship coach Radhika Mohta. “There is one group that’s possibly targeted by Instagram ads or who have learnt about it from their friends. So, you’ll find a lot of first-timers. Then, there are people who are new to the city. They might not be focused on striking up a serious relationship, but are keen on meeting new folks.” The third category includes those who have experienced dating fatigue, and are focused on finding a match. Mohta puts together a to-do list for all.

>> Carry or wear a signature piece of clothing or accessory — be it a nice handbag, a neckpiece, or a badge for a cause. It can be a conversation-starter.

>> Prepare how you’re going to introduce yourself. You don’t want to sound like you are at a work setting. Imagine how your best friend would introduce you. Talk about how you spend your free time or what’s on your bucket list in the city – that would allow someone to make a plan with you.

>> Reach before time. It allows you to familiarise yourself with the place. 

>> Don’t just speak to people of the gender you’re interested in. Break the ice with people of your gender, and watch them rooting for you, not just at the event but also later.

>> Firm up a couple of plans with at least two people.

Keep an open mind

At mixers, don’t try to hog the conversation, cautions Dalal

Reemma Dalal, founder, Heart & Soul — which curates mixers and offers matchmaking services — believes that mindfully curated mixers offer a better way to make meaningful connections rather than speed dating events, as the setting is relaxed and there is no time limit. “I always notice participants taking the party to a bar or a cafe by the end of the mixer. There’s a natural friendship that emerges out of mixers — and every relationship starts with a friendship,” she explains. Her dos and don’ts:

>> Dress well, preferably in smart casuals. The first impression is the last impression.

>> Come with an open mind. Leave your judgement and expectations behind. Be willing to step out of your comfort zone.

>> When you are introducing yourself, apart from mentioning who you are and where you’re from, talk about three fun facts about yourself, one thing that you want to do in your life that you haven’t done yet, or your hobbies. These are easy ice-breakers.

>> Make sure you connect with everyone at the event. Don’t try to hog the conversation or make it about yourself. If you like someone and they want to go and mingle, let them do that. Be respectful of each other.

Eye on safety

At their speed dating events, Judom Pereira, who runs comedy space Dorangos, tries to ensure there’s an equal ratio of women and men. They also verify each person’s information before the session. “The men move around from table to table, after every few minutes when we ring a buzzer. We always take feedback from the women after each batch. We also assure the women participants that during the event, if they get uncomfortable due to the behaviour of any man, they can immediately inform us,” he tells us. For first-timers, Pereira advises:

>> Walk in with an open mind. Don’t come with too many expectations or filters. Focus on making a good friend, and not necessarily on finding a serious relationship. 

>> Don’t exchange contact numbers at the event for safety reasons.

>> Go with the flow, and don’t try to dig too deep into each other’s lives. Try to understand the other person.

>> Be yourself.

>> Women should check with the event organisers for safety precautions such as screening processes, help at hand, if the session is being recorded by CCTV, and the works.

Good vibes only

After exploring dating apps, and eager to meet new people, 26-year-old Bhavesh B recently attended a speed dating session. “Virtual dating is an endless loop of scrolling and you never know what the other person wants. I looked forward to this event so I could interact with genuine people who have paid for it. The organisers ran background checks. So, I knew I was going to meet people who are more serious,” he says. 
1 Dress well. Ask about the seating system in advance and dress accordingly.    
2 Prepare a few ice-breaker games to ease the conversation.
3 Don’t be negative, or talk about your ex. Vibe with the energy.

Set a date

>> Online blind dating event on March 5.
Log on to: insider.in

>> Mumbai Love Festival on March 11 and 12. 
Log on to: eventbee.com

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