Why did I listen to my parents and let my guy go?

I am 25. I was dating this guy I love for the past year. We were both committed to each other and were really in love, but my parents disapproved of him when they learnt he is of a different caste

Dear Diana,
I am 25. I was dating this guy I love for the past year. We were both committed to each other and were really in love, but my parents disapproved of him when they learnt he is of a different caste. Both of us tried to persuade them but they just wouldn't budge.

They've always been very supportive of me and of everything I wanted to do, but they just put their foot down for this guy. I tried everything, but in the end it came down to choosing them or my love, and I chose them. I just didn't have the guts to do anything else. I regretted it even before I did it, but I just couldn't let go of my parents. My guy was understandably angry. It's been a few months since then.

My regret and sorrow at my own decision has spilled over our daily routine, and there's not a day when we don't fight. I have now found the guts to leave and a couple of friends are helping me with the arrangements. But I want my guy back too, I just don't know how to tell him I am sorry and convince him to give us another chance.

Priya

Dear Priya,
You gathered your courage a few months too late, but I would say all is not lost. But you will have to really work at it. First thing, move out. You and your parents need a little space from each other, so you can calm down and think of things seriously with a cool head.

Once you've done that, maybe you can ask your parents why caste is such a big deal for them. Is it caste for caste's sake or because they can envision the practical day to day problems that you would have to face when trying to adjust to things being done differently at his home? Get in touch with the guy. Tell him that you regret what you did and you miss the good times you had with him.

Don't expect him to come running back to you. You've hurt him, his trust in you and you need to give him time to get over his pain. If he doesn't think what you had is worth a second chance, then move on.

Decide to move back in with your parents or not on the basis of your relationship with them, not on whether the guy gets back together with you. Love and respect yourself first.

One hair cut got me grounded...

Dear Diana,
I am 17. I recently got my hair cut without telling my parents. It was an impulsive decision when I went out with my friends, but my parents were very upset and don't allow me to go out with my friends anymore. What do I do?

Heena

Dear Heena,
Your parents are upset that you did something without telling them rather than the fact that you got your hair cut. They are worried that you will do other more serious things without telling them, if they don't condemn this act.

Talk to them and convince them that you understand about being responsible and you will not keep them out of the loop when it comes to boys and other serious stuff. Tell them how much you love and respect them. It should work.

I want a pet, my parents don't...

Dear Diana,
I am 19. I've always wanted a pet dog, but my parents are just not agreeing to it. They say pets are messy, and require too much care. Both of them work and are not at home most of the day, so they say it will be impractical to house a pet.

When I tell them that I come home after college by afternoon and can take care of a dog, they say I am not responsible enough. But I'veu00a0 my heart set on it. My neighbours got one and they seem to manage very well. How do I convince them?

Andy

Dear Andy,
Taking care of a pet requires a lot of responsibility and maturity. You have to understand it and care for it like you would do your own child. You won't be able to leave it at home if alone if you suddenly decide to go catch a movie after college. Are you ready to make that kind of commitment?

What's right for your neighbours may not always be right for you. I would suggest you volunteer at the local animal shelter or animal hospital.

Not only will you get a better knowledge of things, but your parents will also be more convinced that you are a mature adult. Do it for a few months and then ask them again.

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