Two years later, he still prefers his friends over me

I am 27 years old and my fianc ufffd is 25. We've been together for two years now, but I get very uncomfortable when we go out with his guy friends

Dear Diana,
I am 27 years old and my fianc ufffd is 25. We've been together for two years now, but I get very uncomfortable when we go out with his guy friends. All his friends are single, and they happily crack jokes about women and their experiences with them, without once thinking how it will make me feel.

My guy joins them too. The guys often describe his experiences with them in strip bars before he met me. I could forgive all this, if not for the fact that my beau still gives preference to them over me. Now they have decided to go on a decadent 'boys only' trip to Bangkok.

When I had suggested a getaway to Shimla, he had said we should watch our finances, and now he agreed for the trip without even thinking twice about money. I am sure once he goes there, his friends will have flings and encourage him to go for it too. Sometimes, I think I am being too stupid, at other times, I am swallowed by my own insecurities. What to do?

Chhavi

Dear Chhavi,
It seems your guy is yet to make the transition from being a single male to a committed male. It's unfortunate that after two years, he is yet to be sensitive to your feelings. You are perfectly right in being uncomfortable when men do trash talk. But the only solution to this is to tell your guy what you feel.

Make it very clear to him that he can indulge in such talk when he is meeting the guys without you, but not when you are there. As for the trip, watching finances with you and not with his friends is a bad sign. Talk to him about your feelings. Tell him that he has certain responsibilities to you too, now that you guys are going to get married soon. If he doesn't listen, then you may need to cool things a bit for a while.

The fact that you are still insecure and he is still immature shows that you need to get to know each other better before tying the knot. Give your relationship some time to mature, then take a good hard look at things and make the call.

Spectacles versus contact lenses...

Dear Diana,
I am 17. I've been wearing spectacles for the past three years. All my college friends are advising me to shift to contact lenses, because guys won't be interested in me if I wear glasses. I tried lenses, but I have not found them to be very comfortable. Besides, I like my spectacles. Isn't there some way to get the guys even with glasses?u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0
Nandini

Dear Nandini,
It's a myth that men don't make passes at girls wearing spectacles. They will make a move if they are interested in you as a person, regardless of your looks.

And if a guy judges you by your spectacles, then he isn't worth it. Wear what you want to wear, not what your friends want you to. Besides, glasses have become a fashion statement nowadays with even those who don't need them, wearing them for style's sake.

Should I make the first move?

Dear Diana,
I am 30 and still single. My well-intentioned friends set me up on a blind date with this guy two months ago. Surprisingly, we really hit it off. We talked for hours and I felt that finally, I've met the perfect guy. We exchanged numbers and promised to get in touch once he returns from a family vacation.

I heard he has returned, but he has not got back to me yet. I don't know whether he has just lost interest or he met someone else. Should I call and ask him? Or would that make me seem too desperate?

Sheila

Dear Sheila,
It's possible that he's not quite sure how to approach you or it's also possible that he is not that much into you. In either way, you will not know the truth if you don't try to find out. If you are worried about calling him, talk to those mutual friends who set you up in the first place.

Drop hints that you are interested and ask them to find out if he is interested too. Your friends will only be too willing to do so. If they get back to you that he's not interested, then think of it as a learning experience and move on. Good luck.

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