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My boyfriend is leaving me as I kept past from him

Updated on: 25 May,2011 09:22 AM IST  | 
Diana |

I was in a live-in relationship with my college friend for the last four years. We were supposed to get married and he had helped me in some time in my life

My boyfriend is leaving me as I kept past from him

Dear Diana,
I was in a live-in relationship with my college friend for the last four years. We were supposed to get married and he had helped me in some time in my life. He never got settled and I had to help him financially. But for the last two years I became close to a colleague of mine we both love each other and wanted to get married to him. But he came to know about my past. Somebody has even sent a message to his family about my past. Now he is not talking to me and leaving the city forever and going back to his home town to get married. I can't live without him. How do I make him understand ? I will commit suicide if goes away. Please help.


Sneha


Dear Sneha,
The one thing you did wrong was keep the truth about your past from your current boyfriend. No-one likes to hear gossipy details about his girlfriend from random people. One, I don't think you're doing the right thing by financially supporting your ex even now. He is being a leech and has kind of gotten used to having things easy. He may "never have settled" but that isn't your problem. You have settled your dues. Your current BF is right in being hurt, upset and angry. He sees the secrets and the lies as part of a larger tangle of more lies and secrets. The only way you can make him understand is if you meet him personally and tell him you never meant to keep it from him but were looking for the right time to tell him. It's a weak argument, but at least he'll listen. Also, remember that no man is worth committing suicide over.

Was I being used?

Dear Diana,
I had a bad breakup and suffered a lot while in that relationship. It was a traumatic time. A friend of mine recently confessed that he liked me. However, he wants intimacy minus the commitment. I'm not cool with this yet got carried away by the moment. We broke up soon after. I don't know what it was that got us back in bed twice after that ufffd I just don't know! He says he can't be in a relationship right now but expects us to be intimate. He has never even said he loves me. Have I been used or has he been honest about everything. I need guidance. What should I do?

Megha

Dear Megha,

Most people learn from their mistakes and don't repeat them. Unfortunately, you don't seem to belong to that category. Sorry if I am being blunt here, but you do not need a stranger like me to tell you that you are being foolish. You can see that you are being used and that this guy is a player and continue to be confused about those feelings for him. If you aren't comfortable with the no-strings-attached sexual relationship, end it. It's not worth the headache and heartache. He may have been honest about his intentions, but you have to realise he is ruining your life and you are letting him.


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