'My backache is ruining my sex life...'

I have been married for almost two years. Eight months ago, I met with a road mishap after which I started experiencing severe back pain...

Dear Diana,
I have been married for almost two years. Eight months ago, I met with a road mishap after which I started experiencing severe back pain. Despite consulting numerous specialists and taking daily medication, I am still in bad shape. I really wish to be better and will do anything in my power to make it so. I have been advised surgery, but others feel that it may lead to more complications. My back injury is also leading to a lack of sex drive. I have spoken about it to my wife and she seems resigned to the fact that I am not going to get any better, but I refuse to believe this to be the case. My problem is we were planning a family, but at the rate at which things are going, it appears to be tough. I know that my wife is keen to have a child. This is causing even more agony and making things miserable for me. What should I do?
— Advait


Illustration/Amit Bandre 

Dear Advait,
Instead of writhing in pain and drowning in misery, why don't you consult a specialist? Seek expert medical attention and at the same time convey your intentions of starting a family. Chronic pain is stressful and frustrating due to which you are finding it difficult to enjoy sex. But the mental strain that often accompanies pain can make things even worse and horrible. When you seek intimacy with your wife, try to focus on relaxing as much as you can. If you keep worrying, things will get worse. Only after you have sought proper medical attention, you can then decide whether you need to go in for in vitro fertilisation. Meanwhile, also seek all the possible surgery options that can heal your back.

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