The Diplomat movie review: John Abraham starrer is actually, a 10-minute news reel

Especially, if it concerns India pitted against its errant/devious neighbour, Pakistan, in a Gadar kinda way, if you like.

The Diplomat
U/A: Action, thriller
Dir: Shivam Nair
Cast: John Abraham, Sadia Khateeb
Rating: 1.5/5

I can make an educated guess; can’t promise, obviously. But knowing a bit about how people working in the pictures predictably think—I suspect this film got greenlit, primarily because a crappola called The Kerala Story, with a similar premise, became a sleeper super-hit.

That is, an Indian woman trapped among Islamic fundamentalists. Which was almost a freak case for the box-office, in 2023.

Plus, this film follows flag-waving nationalism that, as an onscreen narrative device, if played right, often unequivocally unites audiences into theatres. 

Especially, if it concerns India pitted against its errant/devious neighbour, Pakistan, in a Gadar kinda way, if you like. 

Of all the gin-joints, hence—unless the other way around—the idea/script, altogether more aesthetic/realistic, lands in the hands of John Abraham, who’s both actor and producer. His best work as the latter (Vicky Donor) is the one where he chose not to cast himself. 

John picks up the main part of Indian deputy high commissioner in Islamabad. On the face of it, otherwise—this would seem an odd casting choice. 

Given the lead actor has, over the years, bulked up enough to render himself almost unsuitable for most regular-guy roles. Least of all for a sincere, studious diplomat, one JP Singh, with his tight suits bursting at the seams from his biceps.

If you overlook all of that, eventually—he can be likeable onscreen, on occasion, of course.

This picture appears to be pretty much from his PoV. This protagonist gets flashes from a bomb blast at another embassy (Kabul) he was once posted in. 

It’s a recurring set-up. Only, without a pay-off, that may be even vaguely related to this film’s larger story. Let alone anything else.

What’s that larger, or rather, singular story, this film follows? It’s quite well-known, as in widely reported, actually. That of an Indian citizen, Uzma Ahmed, 28, who got forcibly married to a violent Pakistani crook, she’d met as a taxi driver, in Malaysia. 

She found herself in a hamlet called Buner, in the deep interiors of Khyber Pakhtunkhwa (KPK), surrounded by mountains and men with Kalashnikovs. 

Just as citizens deserve consular access, if detained abroad—this woman, under house-arrest by supposedly terrorist-type dements in 2017, somehow planned her escape, reached Islamabad, sought help from the Indian embassy there. 

Which is where she remained lodged for quite a few days, with her crazy husband and his mates, still hovering outside. India’s then external affairs minister, much loved, late Sushma Swaraj, had personally tracked Uzma’s safe passage. 

This was a simple humanitarian case. Pakistan’s local courts saw that, and favoured Uzma in their judgement too. She returned through the Wagah border; the same route/transport she’d entered Pakistan (we’re told, that’s the law, I didn’t know). 

End of story. Full of bravery and compassion. No doubt. How do you expand this straight-up 10-minute documentary/news reel into a feature film for over two hours? Good question. 

I’m guessing through back-stories after back-stories, apart from context; what else? You got one job, and one lead character too; no?

It’s odd then that I left the theatre with enough questions in my head, to learn more about Uzma from basic internet searches, than this film. That she is/was apparently a sufficiently educated, upper middle-class Delhi woman, with estranged parents, in the Netherlands. 

Or that she had a child from a previous marriage. There’s reference, in the movie, to her taking “[kid] Noor for naturopathy [to Khyber Pakhtunkhwa]?” Just a mention. No follow-up. 

Likewise, it’s hard to tell anything about the KPK crook, once a Kuala Lumpur cabbie, who entraps her. Besides, that he lives in a barren farm, where women get treated like slaughterhouse animals.

But, maybe—that’s not the point. This film is titled The Diplomat, after all. 

Not to be confused with the American series by the same name, that sexes up the foreign service. Which, in turn, I guess, inspired the thoroughly delulu, Ulajh (2024), starring Janhvi Kapoor. 

It’s equally hard, still, to figure, what is it that Pakistan’s sane-sounding spies from ISI, or the deep state, have to gain—going after a lonely, battered girl, wishing to head back home? Surely, there are reasons. Just can’t tell what. 

The simultaneously ongoing Kulbhushan Jadhav alleged-espionage case, at the International Court of Justice, is touched upon, but totally left alone. 

John’s character is involved in non-stop negotiations over Uzma. We look on clueless, as he simply goes, “Yeh Pakistan hai… Yeh Pakistan hai…” Implying being surrounded by loonies in a lawless land. 

Including, of course, scenes of domestic ultra-violence, mercifully shot with close-up lens on the eyes of the Indian survivor. You do wanna feel for this woman, Uzma; with actor Sadia Khateeb, such a gorgeous presence, wonderfully picked for the part. 

But you feel something/anything at all, only once the climax, courtroom scene onward, kicks in. 

Uzma, in the conclusion, literally touches down—Indian soil, across the border, her hands feeling the concrete, and a version of AR Rahman’s ‘Bharat humko jaan se pyara hai’ (from Roja) for background score. 

The filmmakers, of course, had a premise/beginning. They genuinely tried their best, in the end, to push some cinematic energy into a vacuum/hollowness thence. 

I guess, you can try your best to sit through rest of the film too. Well. I did. 

*YUCK  **WHATEVER  ***GOOD  ****SUPER  *****AWESOME

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