Trying to break up for a year now!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been trying to end a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year now but, whenever I work up the courage, he does something sweet, and it destroys my resolve. I don't know how to break up with him when he is so kind to me, but I know I can't be with him because I don't see a future for us. He and I are very different, and he thinks we can resolve our differences because we love each other, but I don't see it that way. I think it will only get harder in the months to come, and he is under this delusion that we will be together for the rest of our lives. I want to move on and find someone I am more compatible with but am afraid of how he may react if I leave him. He will feel so betrayed that he may hate me for the rest of his life, and I can't deal with the guilt. What should I do?
You should stop assuming that you are responsible for how a grown, adult human being will react if you make a decision that is in your best interests. If this relationship isn't working and you know you don't want to be with him, what do you hope to accomplish by prolonging it just because he happens to be sweet to you? Aren't you giving him the wrong impression and inadvertently making it harder for him to recognise how you really feel? If you want to move on, you can't by pretending to be with someone you aren't interested in. If you let guilt compel you to stay, this relationship is only going to get worse. The sooner you accept that his feelings are out of your control and do what you need to by putting your own interests first, the better it will be for you both. He will get over it at some point and, if he doesn't, there is little you can do about that.

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