What should I do? What is a decent waiting period before I ask?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 42-year old woman and have been in love with a man for over a decade now. We were married to different people, and are both divorced, but I have never said a word to him about my feelings. We know each other casually and have common friends, which is why I know about him and why I have been able to keep track of what is happening in his life. I am tempted to message him and ask him out to dinner, but don’t know if I am being too forward or too quick. I have been divorced for a year-and-a-half, but his marriage ended just six months ago, and I don’t want to give him the impression that I was just waiting for him to be single to try and go out. What should I do? What is a decent waiting period before I ask?
There is no right or wrong waiting period. You are assuming a sense of guilt for something that hasn’t happened. All you intend to do is ask him out to a meal, which doesn’t imply anything other than a gesture of wanting to get to know someone better. If it’s too soon and he isn’t interested in meeting anyone, he will presumably be able to say so. Don’t overthink this. If you want to ask him out, do it. If you want to wait a while and then message, that is your prerogative too. Either way, it will help you find out if he has any interest, let alone if he has any feelings for you too.
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What can I do to make my relationship stronger when my partner is always busy with friends and doesn’t have time for me? He thinks of me only when they aren’t around.
If you aren’t a priority for him, why are you making him a priority for yourself? A successful relationship is based on mutual respect, and that appears to be missing here. Ask yourself if it will work.
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