How do we recapture that sense of what we had? Should I assume it is gone forever and just accept that this is how things will be?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
My boyfriend and I broke up around five months ago, then reconnected and decided to give our relationship another go. We love each other a lot but had many unresolved issues that we have only just begun to address. The weird thing is, ever since we got back together, we seem to have lost the spark that was once there between us. We communicate a lot more, and are more honest with each other, but there is something missing that used to be there before. There is less spontaneity, and we don’t feel the same way we did before. We are aware of this and have spoken about it, so I know it’s not just me who feels this way. How do we recapture that sense of what we had? Should I assume it is gone forever and just accept that this is how things will be?
What you refer to as a ‘spark’ can also be considered a stage at which you both saw yourselves in an earlier version of this relationship. To end something and then attempt to get back is not always easy, because it requires relearning things, learning to accept faults, and addressing misunderstandings. What you both want from this has also changed, even though you may not recognise it yet. I would argue that what you share now is something deeper, with the potential for a stronger bond. Anything you miss will require you to accept that this is a period of learning for you both, and a time to realign yourselves to what you are both looking for. The ‘spark’ may be replaced by something else that will probably be far stronger. Focus on the big picture, work on clarity and communication, and allow things to happen at their own pace.
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We have known each other for a week and this guy asks me questions I am not comfortable with. Are these red flags?
If you aren’t comfortable with something, speak up and draw boundaries. If he doesn’t accept them, avoid him.
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