This on-off deal is getting tiring!

Also, it may help if you inform him that a successful relationship involves the establishment of individual boundaries, and the respecting of those boundaries

I have an on-again-off-again relationship with this guy because we can’t seem to make up our minds about whether this thing is serious or not. We get close, start spending more time together, then decide it isn’t working out. This has been going on for three years and he is as tired of it as I am. We have spoken about just not speaking to each other again so we can move on, but a part of us both also feels there must be something between us that draws us both together time and again. What should we do? Rip it off like a band-aid and never speak again, or keep doing this until we get a clearer idea of what we want from each other?
You’re right that there may be something between you two that draws you together time and again, but you haven’t considered whether this is a positive or negative thing. People can also be drawn together for toxic traits, or a shared trauma, which you should try and look at objectively. This isn’t to say there really is trauma in both your lives but is more a comment about how much time you have both spent trying to understand why you try and fail to sustain a relationship. Is it fear of commitment, an inability to trust each other, or something else that leads to the end of this every single time? Yes, cutting each other off and moving on is obviously an option, but it may help if you both take time to discuss why this doesn’t work, rather than simply try and get together one more time.

What do I tell my boyfriend when he asks me not to speak to some of my friends? He says they don’t care about me, but he doesn’t know them as well as I do.
Why not tell him that? Also, it may help if you inform him that a successful relationship involves the establishment of individual boundaries, and the respecting of those boundaries. 

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