If you do, nothing stops you from buying him coffee too, or asking him out for a cup. You won’t know until you chat about it
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 28-year-old woman and have been married for two years. Our lives are okay, except for the selfishness my husband constantly displays. He thinks about himself first and makes decisions for both of us based on how they affect his life. I have gently called him out on this because I know he doesn’t do it on purpose. He loves me and cares about me but can’t break this habit of assuming his life is more important than mine. I want him to change this aspect of his personality because it will create patterns that may stay for the rest of our lives. I can’t just ask him to change though, because it has to come from within him. He has to stop looking at our marriage as two people with different sets of priorities and start treating us as one unit. How do I do this?
Not calling it out is a bad idea because this is about spelling out a message and then constantly reinforcing it. Moving from being single to life as a couple isn’t always easy, and it sometimes takes people a while to understand that. The unconscious bias your husband exhibits must be called out as an act of disrespect even if he doesn’t intend it. You’re right about it needing to come from him, but he needs to be aware of its existence before he can start to make changes to how he behaves and how he treats you. Maybe you can start by both agreeing to not make any decision without being able to express your individual opinions on it.
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My co-worker has been buying me coffee one or two times a week. Is this a sign that he likes me or is he just being friendly?
Do you like him? Do you like the idea of him being interested in you? If you do, nothing stops you from buying him coffee too, or asking him out for a cup. You won’t know until you chat about it.
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