There is nothing more you can do except to wait until this period of passive aggressiveness passes and he comes around
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I have an imaginative fantasy life and it gets in the way of my marriage because my wife is never really interested in my suggestions. I am referring to our sex life, which becomes increasingly boring with every year. She doesn’t seem to think about it, and it often feels as if she has sex with me just because she thinks it is something she has to do in a marriage. I don’t want this to become routine and predictable, but I can’t change anything if she doesn’t even want to give anything new a chance. How do I convince her to try something unusual to make our sex lives more adventurous?
Your expectations are different from your wife’s, and this can start to become a problem if neither of you acknowledges how important intimacy is at the same level. For now, she appears to have a radically different notion of where it stands in a marriage, so I suggest you consider marriage counselling with a therapist. Your wife may not be comfortable with the idea, but you have to be more vocal about why this is a problem for you and why it can have an adverse impact on your future. She doesn’t have to come on board with your ideas, but there needs to be a compromise, which is possible only when you have improved your lines of communication.
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My boyfriend has become very cold towards me after our last fight, and I can’t seem to do anything to change his behaviour. I have apologised repeatedly, and he says it’s okay, but his actions are the exact opposite. What more can I do to get him to start behaving normally?
You apologised for something because you believed you were wrong, which is all one can do. If he refuses to forgive, or does so with conditions, the onus on fixing this situation lies on him. There is nothing more you can do except to wait until this period of passive aggressiveness passes and he comes around.
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