When he tried to log on, Instagram told him he didn’t exist. A month and eight posts later, actor Imran Khan is speaking his heart out and receiving love that he says is healing him
Recently on Instagram, Imran Khan has been posting behind the scene photographs from his movies. Pic/Getty Images
Imran Khan reminds his writer that it’s been 10 years since we last met. He is making tea for us, and suggests we have it with a dash of condensed milk—“it adds sweetness without the sugar”. We acquiesce, and it tastes good. The last time we met was in 2013, before the release of Vishal Bhardwaj’s Matru Ki Bijlee Ka Mandola. “Actually, we must have met in November or December of 2012,” he says, “I remember I was shooting for a magazine cover with Anushka [Sharma, his co-actor in Matru] that day.” He has a sharp memory, we inform him.
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In 2015, Khan acted in Katti Batti opposite Kangana Ranaut, his last outing on screen. On September 20, 2018, he posted on Instagram about directing a short film, Mission Mars: Keep Walking India. It would be a while before any of us saw Khan.
On August 1 this year, the clouds finally parted.
In this post on his Instagram, Khan
The action began with Khan replying to Zeenat Aman’s post on Instagram. The legendary star, who had become all the rage as she started sharing vignettes from her life on the social media platform, had posted a reel that spoke of her collaboration with credit card payment platform CRED. After watching the ad, a fan named Aditi wrote, “Zeenat Aman ji ne bhi comeback karlia, patani mera Imran Khan kab karega. [Even Zeenat Aman has made a comeback, wondering when Imran Khan will make one too].” Khan replied, “Chalo Aditi, let’s leave this to the Internet… 1 million likes, and I will make it happen [shake hands emoji].”
“I didn’t even have access to my Instagram account when the CRED guys contacted me asking if I could comment on the post,” he tells us now. After Khan retrieved the account, which had been lying fallow for five years, he posted the comment. “I had no intention of making a comeback of any sort... In my mind, that was the end of it,” he says, as we sit cross-legged on a carpet in his living room. But the universe had different plans—the comment got one million likes. “I have been feeling this for the past couple of months. There is a knock on the door, and the universe says, ‘Bus is leaving, you’re coming?’ All one has to say is ‘yes’.”
Khan says it felt like the universe knew he was ready. “These past few years, I was not. I was in a dark place. I had become something of a white whale.” The paparazzi has only found him a few times this year—once with daughter Imara and his mom, Nuzhat, at Bandstand. “I don’t know how they found out,” he says, “I had my mask on, and a hoodie, and we were barely out for six minutes.”
At 40, Khan is ageing well—taller than he seems on screen, still fresh-faced with salt and pepper hair. He seems passionate, animated, contemplative and reflective at the same time. The last few years, he says, have been about showing up for his daughter, and spending time with her. The room has her presence stamped—a chocolate foil wrapper animal on the music system, and her roller blades in one corner. The actor’s divorce with his wife Avantika Malik was finalised in 2022, and he shares custody. He has also been reading—the book on his centre-table is Madly, Deeply: The Alan Rickman Diaries—and is working on his next Lego creation. Recently, he started re-watching his own movies. “My movies felt radioactive to me. Since this whole Instagram thing has happened though, I have been watching them again!”
On Instagram, the posts are raw, deep and revealing. While some just revisit behind the scenes of movies like Break Ke Baad (2010) and Delhi Belly (2011), there are posts where he talks about self-harm, a negative inner voice, and “old wounds”. As a post on September 6 says, “When you’ve lived so long in darkness, the sunshine can feel unbearably bright at first. I have been flooded with so many messages of love, support, and encouragement that it felt weird.”
“I have a hard time taking it all in,” he tells us, “This thing that I posted about seeking negativity, for instance. When I started reading positive things [about me recently]—one article said my movies were ahead of their times, and found a cult-like audience—it felt like a rug pull. It’s like they are luring me in, and then, they will say, ‘haha, you fell for it’. I feel like it’s a trap.”
Khan grew up loving the movies, and it continues to be a big part of him. “I have felt moved and touched by my cinematic heroes—they have given me happiness and comfort. I know the value of that. I was watching a documentary on Michael J Fox’s life [Still], which is about him living with Parkinson’s. I see him fight this with so much grace. It did a thing to me, where I said, ‘look at his strength. If he can do that, I can do that’.” He pauses, and chuckles, “…and then comes the really crazy part. People are messaging me—I grew up with your films, your films moved me and touched me. And I am thinking, can it be that I was a part of something that was a formative experience for someone, that moved someone, that touched their hearts, the way my heroes touched my heart? That’s the mind-boggling thing.”
Khan hasn’t signed a new film yet. “Since this has happened, calls have been coming.” OTT? “Yes. I want to do what I [once] loved doing.” And what’s his state of mind right now? “I am suddenly re-engaging with the world, my fans, my own films—I am trying to heal my relationship with my own work. And that’s happened because of all these people, who are messaging me. I want to feel this feeling of nourishment and I want to say—yes, this is my life; rather than look at all of it with embarrassment, I want to look at it with love and pride.”
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