Reality check about realty ads

Advertisements of flashy new townships can throw up quite a few unpleasant surprises for unsuspecting buyers. Ask local residents for the real story before you take that crore-crippling call

It’s very rare for this columnist to look closely at realty ads that try their best to capture our mornings (and our attention), thanks to the full-page plastering that takes over all our newspapers. However, this one Sunday, I was forced to look twice, actually thrice, as I noticed this one advertisement splashed across my stash of newspapers. That’s because it had something to do with my neighbourhood nestled in the eastern suburbs, and the details that were packed into the ad led to some amount of surprise, and eventually, a chuckle fest.

The ad boasted of the choicest, most luxuriant amenities available in this cluster of buildings, on the lines of gated community, a township, as most of us, OG Bombaywallahs are now getting used to hearing of, and reading about in publicity and signage. I chose to call them character-less behemoths. But that will hardly bother the occupant, given that they are safely ensconced in their cocoon, blissfully unaware of what lies beyond their photo-shopped world that comprises swanky elevators, swimming pools, air-conditioned jogging tracks/world-class gyms/fitness centres, underground car parks and stunning 
manicured gardens.

The fun starts [and that’s why we had chuckled earlier while introducing the idea] when these unsuspecting folks have to move beyond this carefully-drawn boundary. Case in point the ad that I had referred to in the first paragraph. Now while the stunningly painted picture-perfect apartment will be an instant draw, what the ad doesn’t tell you is the view from your window/balcony [do they exist anymore in its OG avatar?] lest you don’t bother to read the fine print or do an actual recce of the exact site of your apartment and where it opens up to. Now, this particular site happens to be surrounded by an awfully large scrapyard, separated by a half-road. The other half has been usurped by permanently overflowing mega garbage bins and barricades for an upcoming infrastructure project. Forget about the scenic/lush hillside views—an oft-used and highly favoured term among those PR agencies writing ‘breezy’ copy for our neck of the woods – there isn’t as much as a tree in sight, thanks to the unchecked and rapidly vanishing green cover in the suburb.

There’s worse to follow for flat owners of this particular township. The main entrance opens up straight into the overhead pillars of the Metro line, ensuring very little access to direct sunlight, and more dust and debris to greet people stepping in or leaving the complex. You might as well watch a documentary of the Devil’s Path trail, located in the Catskill Mountains, which is touted as one of the deadliest trails in the world before daring to walk down this stretch.

Gone are the days when you chose a flat purely based on the safety of the immediate neighbourhood outside of the apartment building, wide roads, pedestrian-friendly footpaths and most importantly, accessibility and clean air. In todays ‘tower’ packed cityscapes, all these factors don’t seem to matter, because people appear pretty content in their insular, air-brushed marble-topped residential universes. 

We’ve been privy to a few of these fairy-tale stories being sold to gullible flat buyers who’ve realised their mistakes much later, and much to their dismay. Another interesting side-effect of these cool packaging stories continues to be the redefinition of geography of the city. Recently, a howler was spotted by a SoBo friend who informed yours truly that our eastern suburb had been re-anointed as a part of central Mumbai in a realty ad. Talk about moving closer to being in the central part of the city, without having to actuality shift anchor.

Another interesting set of catchphrases that builders love to use is calculating road travel time from the site to vantage spots or happening and key locations [read: Bandra west, and of late, BKC, MTHL, Sea link, the airport, nearest railway station]. Try doing actual test-drives to reach these distances on our eternally dug-up roads and you’ll be amazed at the difference in time when it comes to road travel.

While the ‘scenery’ debate might have strong counterpoints, like superb building plans, and other amenities that out-max the other “chota-mota” issues, as we’ve heard some folk suggest they are, the bottom-line is that these kinds of advertisements are here to stay.

And honestly, we are here to offer only friendly observations and the odd chuckle to the reader, all the while trying to shine a light when something seems terribly off in our city—as has been in this case. This trend makes for good copy [yes, for the builder, not so much for the buyer], and a good chuckle for us. You can thank us later.

mid-day’s Features Editor Fiona Fernandez relishes the city’s sights, sounds, smells and stones...wherever the ink and the inclination takes her. She tweets @bombayana
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