To say ‘not all men’ is a sorry excuse that allows a vast majority to get away with obnoxious behaviour, especially to women
It is only when we start to accept that men have a problem with how they perceive and treat women that things can start to change. Representation pic
I am continually appalled by Indian men. I say this as one, which absolves me from the accusation that I am not qualified to comment. We are touchy people after all, and aren’t exactly known for our ability to handle criticism of any kind. I believe we have a problem because a vast majority of us don’t know how to deal with women. I am aware of how ridiculous this sounds but would like to reiterate that the only people whose opinion matters on this issue are women. Why not ask them if they agree?
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Indian men are predominantly raised with the delusion that the world revolves around them and their desires, no matter how inane. This is obvious and demonstrable at any time of day, anywhere you are, if you choose to stop and look objectively at how most of us behave in the presence of women. It’s in the way we occupy space in elevators or public transport, the way we speak over our female colleagues in conference rooms, and the way we condone casual sexism as a matter of course. We claim to love our sisters and mothers but have no problem harassing the sisters and mothers of other Indian men. The hypocrisy is staggering.
I encourage men reading this to try walking with a female relative or friend sometime this week and pay attention to how other men react in her presence. Look at how she is evaluated and judged in a million ways almost instantly, and how the proximity of your presence or absence has a direct impact on how men around her cope. If a woman is perceived to be walking alone, the men in her vicinity will take on a radically different demeanour within seconds. If they happen to be in a group, they will—nine out of ten times—believe it is their birthright to have a conversation about what she looks like or the clothes she’s wearing. If the woman in question happens to be young and attractive, those conversations will be shared loudly and directed towards her without compunction. How she feels is of no consequence.
Misogyny is entrenched into most aspects of our culture and has a direct impact on how our sons and daughters are raised. It impinges upon every aspect of their lives, from the opportunities they are afforded at birth to the kind of freedoms they are allowed at home and in public as they get older. It defines when and whether they are allowed to marry, whether or not they are allowed to rent an apartment in cities on their own, and how they need to reach a certain age before they are condescendingly accorded a semblance of respect. This is also why we are one of the few countries on the planet that need a ‘Beti Bachao, Beti Padhao’ PR campaign, as a reminder of how we treat the girl child. That the campaign is a sham doesn’t take away from the fact that it exists because we are all complicit in its need to.
Ask a female relative how safe she feels while walking down a street after dusk or getting into a rickshaw or taxi on her own. Take some time to understand just how unsafe women feel while strolling through a park, and why they are never afforded the luxury of not being vigilant while doing things that men take for granted. Look at how our male politicians demean and vilify them in public, on national television, safe in the knowledge that there will be no consequences.
It is only when we start to accept that men have a problem with how they perceive and treat women that things can start to change. This hasn’t happened in hundreds of years, so I’m not optimistic, but I hope we can have conversations about this, at the very least, because it increasingly feels as if India is sliding backwards instead of embracing evolution and change. More women are being kept out of public discourse than ever, which is why official committees tasked with their welfare continue to be staffed largely by men.
In recent weeks, the world outside has been horrified by apps that buy and sell Indian women. At home, a majority of us have shrugged our shoulders. Our honourable leaders haven’t said a word either, presumably because we all know how much respect they have for women in their own lives. Shame on them. Shame on the rest of us.
When he isn’t ranting about all things Mumbai, Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet. He tweets @lindsaypereira
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The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper
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