Dignity for the deceased is something that should be observed for not just one day of the year. The lack of it is a common sight that gets played out in most of our civic-run Christian cemeteries all year through
Pic/Pradeep Dhivar, Mid-day
In a few days’ time, the city’s Christian population will observe All Souls’ Day. It’s the one day of the year that’s dedicated to remembering loved ones who have passed on in our midst.
And like it happens across most cemeteries in the city, the visits on November 2 to pay their respects are not just confined to those who live in the vicinity; many embark on a pilgrimage of sorts, often crossing the seven seas to be at the special place on that date. The thing about this important day in the community’s calendar is that it automatically gets you into introspective mode. It happens all the time when I’ve attended a funeral – be it for a relative, a friend and then, when it comes closer home, for members of my immediate family. The reel is an endless one – it begins with recollections of our own interactions with the deceased, how our lives are like a ‘candle in the wind’, as immortalised in the Elton John classic, and wraps up with the realisation that eventually, we all become dust when it’s time for goodbyes. While all of these experiences are common to most who attend funerals, there is another, albeit a jarring reality, that remains a thorny issue, an inevitable occurrence that the family is left to grapple with, for later.
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On a blistering Sunday morning, as I stepped into the cemetery to ensure my father’s grave was in decent shape in time for All Souls’ Day, that same pressing concern returned to plague the mind. “What happens in the years after the funeral?” many have asked me. Unlike other faiths, with Christians, the connection with the dead doesn’t end with the burial. There is a lot; I repeat, a LOT of upkeep that comes into play. For the uninitiated, I will put it down as briefly as possible. If your loved one happens to be buried in a cemetery that is run by the civic corporation, may the force be with you. Because, the drive and energy that is required to ensure these sacred spaces are in good condition can tire even the most persistent and resilient among us, as I’ve experienced firsthand. Those lucky to have their beloved buried within church complexes are truly lucky. There is a certain dignity that comes with letting the dead rest in ‘peace’ but unfortunately it is pretty much an aberration, if it’s the latter option. In such spaces that are woefully lacking in staff; it can become a nightmare to get things done, as I discovered during my recent visit. It was a task to find another competent hand to help with cleaning the grave that was in bad shape after an unforgiving monsoon. Since there was only one helper on site, who was tied up digging a grave for an afternoon burial [what else!], I had to make do with the services of two rookies borrowed from the adjacent Hindu crematorium that is also run by the civic authorities.
Unfamiliar with how certain processes like laying out bricks in a symmetrical fashion [to form a boundary of the grave] are created, it was quite the ordeal to ensure they got it right. I’d rather avoid sharing those details. After two gruelling hours of guiding the duo who were clearly flustered by now, some success was met with; the grave bore a dignified appearance, and I could breathe a bit easier since the time I had arrived at the spot. A decent tip for their services brought a smile to their faces, and they were off. Soon, I noticed other Christian families trickle in and they too had to seek out their help to ‘dignify’ the graves of their beloved. Around us, it appeared as if a storm had hit the graveyard. Being located in a marshland, the extended rains had wreaked havoc. It’s been the same for years now, and all one wishes for each time I make a visit is to hope that an unpleasant surprise bigger than the last time isn’t there to greet us. Barring a few well-tended graves that resemble oases in a desert, the rest, some as recently laid out as April and May of this year, were in bad shape. It is up to the families to ensure there is certain civility to this sacred spot.
It is bad enough that one has to endure the grief of a loss but to have to experience these hurdles repeatedly elevates it to another level of numbing pain altogether. I am pretty sure that I am echoing the sentiments of many readers who have had similar experiences. Having to oversee the maintenance of crematoriums and cemeteries might be like punishment postings, I suspect. However, one hopes that someone somewhere seated among the civic gods who run this city are able to look into this apathy and neglect. To quote a phrase that is often used in Christian families, one has to literally “carry your own cross” when it comes to overseeing the upkeep of a grave. Alas, that remains the grave reality.
mid-day’s Features Editor Fiona Fernandez relishes the city’s sights, sounds, smells and stones...wherever the ink and the inclination takes her. She tweets @bombayana
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