Shared vulnerabilities and sharp humour bond developmental paediatrician Vibha Krishnamurthy and French language teacher Vibha Kamat
Vibha Kamat and Vibha Krishnamurthy near St Stephen’s Church, Bandra
Vibha Kamat, 57, French teacher with Alliance Française de Bombay
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Vibha Krishnamurthy, 55, Developmental paediatrician, founder of Ummeed Child Development Center
That these women, names to reckon with in their professional worlds, can easily dissolve into giggling gal pals, is evident in a flash.
The namesakes jokily carry forward the literary metaphor, referring to each other as Jhumpa or Lahiri.
Teachers, healers, wanderers, sisters in sensitivity, they spend time together that turns out as contemplative as it is breezy.
To toast their sparkler of a relationship witty and wise—over to Vibha and Vibha.
Vibha Krishnamurthy: “Vibha, meet Vibha,” her husband Dilip (D’Souza) said, taking great delight in introducing us. I remember being in awe of her, tall and beautiful, with that lovely, dimpled smile.
Dilip’s father (JB ‘Bain’ D’Souza, former state chief secretary and municipal commissioner) and my husband Ashish’s father (Kanayo Karamchandani, Chief Conservator, Gujarat, with the Indian Forest Service) shared a house and a car as bachelors. Dilip’s sister and mine were classmates. I simply adore chatting with Vibha’s kids, and with Dilip and his mother Neela.
Vibha Kamat: My instant impression of Vibha at that 1993 party she and Ashish threw was of this warm, bright soul with a ready laugh. I soon realised that whenever I’m with her, my brow clears and face lights up. She looks issues in the eye, to fix them realistically. If that’s not possible, she asks for help. If a problem persists, she squares her shoulders, lifts her chin and goes about life.
At MCubed Library in Bandra, co-founded by Kamat. Pics/Sameer Markande
Krishnamurthy: The love of language and reading drew us closer. Our life trajectories were similar in the beginning. We had babies a year apart, swapped notes on them. The real fun was snucking out on our own, sometimes in town where I live, sometimes in Bandra where she is. Vibs introduced me to the city’s secrets; I’m from Delhi. Bombay’s contrasts between the privileged and marginalised are not subtle. It has given us rich conversations.
Kamat: Vibha had made up a set of aphorisms for her kids to navigate the world. A wise one shakes off feelings of victimisation while making you think of the other. Their home is a safe haven for me. Unfortunately, meeting has become rarer with schedules and continents keeping us apart.
Krishnamurthy: Before settling to coffee or lunch, we explore a small part of the city. Walking around Elphinstone College, I was amazed to peek into a shed and saw incredible statues stored. She has taken me to fishing villages, the plague crosses, St Stephen’s Church and steps. At the zoo she showed baobab trees I’d only seen in The Little Prince! Vibs has introduced me to numerous restaurants: Saladero, Samovar for my first kheema paratha, Human Cafe and Taj Mahal Tea House.
Kamat: Food for thought and thought for food are intricately linked to my relationship with her. And non-fiction, which I almost never read except for biographies. She gave me that first book that had me riveted: Anne Fadiman’s The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down.
Krishnamurthy: We belong to two different book clubs. She is one person whose recommendation I count on completely. We’re charmed by the way India has appropriated English, making it her own. “Don’t think too smart of yourself” is part of our mutual family lexicon. We gleefully proof-read newspapers and menu cards, reporting discovered gems.
My favourite polyglot, she has taught me French, Marathi and even Tamil expressions that surprised me. She’s an excellent editor. When I began writing a little, she was one of the first few I tested my article on.
She can always, always make me laugh. A brilliant mimic—whether it’s Nirupa Roy in Amar Akbar Anthony or the auto driver dropping her off—she does impeccable accents and dialects, cracking me up.
Kamat: We spot malapropisms and mispronunciations, not consciously people-watching, just mindful of the surroundings we engage with. Bombay allows you to be a flaneur, something we enjoy. Besides the same preferences in books and travel, we have a certain franc-parler, the ability to say things honestly without being brutal.
Krishnamurthy: What a brilliant teacher she is. I hear the ways in which she makes students enjoy language and how adult learning works. Valuing the learner’s experience and knowledge is critical to teaching well.
I was moved by the way she started a public library in Bandra, accessible to all. M Cubed is a wonderful space for people of every background. She and her family really live the social justice they talk about.
Kamat: We can each always lean on the other. I have the deepest respect for Vibha’s scholarship, work ethic and the fact that she loves few things more than talking with children.
Krishnamurthy: Vibs has the quality of being totally present, giving undivided attention as if I am the sole person important in that moment. I’ve noticed her do this with an old person struggling to recollect something or a child telling her a story. She’s truly curious about and compassionate towards them.
While talking, we delve into the challenges of struggling against a world cruel to children who dare to be different. Our experiences vary, but we manage finding common emotions in them. I can’t recall arguments. She may have been disappointed when I could not be her children’s paediatrician. I do developmental paediatrics, so no general paeds.
Kamat: Trusting Vibha implicitly, I turn to her to discuss matters big or small. I admire her intellectual and social integrity. She nurtures relationships with people of all ages. Despite being terrifically busy, she keeps old friends and makes new ones. I love her felicity for the mot juste. And her sense of humour, both silly and smart.
Krishamurthy: We bring shared interests and vulnerabilities to this friendship. We have grown from young women in early stages of careers and relationships, to married women juggling family and work, to mature women reflecting on caring for ageing parents and children transitioning to adults.
Author-publisher Meher Marfatia writes monthly on city friendships. You can reach her at meher.marfatia@mid-day.com/www.mehermarfatia.com
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