So, my niece Mishka spends much time in my home. Maybe she thinks I'm cool, maybe it's to do with the two Turkish evil eye earrings I wear.
Illustration/Uday Mohite
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So, my niece Mishka spends much time in my home.
Maybe she thinks I'm cool, maybe it's to do with the two Turkish evil eye earrings I wear.
No chance. Millennials have a way of making China-Sikkim-Doklam-India relations seem polite - "No R, your house is close to mine, plus it gives me a place to calm down when the peeps get judgemental."
Mishka has red streaked hair, with a pierced temple, the tattoo of a female samurai on her arm and an attitude to match.
"Why a lady samurai, Mishka? Have you posted your 'tattoo' on Facebook?"
Mishka broke into a smile like a Donald Trump pout –'Bro, FB is so (rolling up her eyes) passé. Instagram and Snapchat are the in-thing."
"But Samurais are male Japanese warriors. You could have tattooed a nice Geisha," I suggested.
"Whateves [word for 'whatever']. I'm a feminist."
This morning, Mishka's face is as red as her hair, as she pops by, Selena Gomez riffing into her headphones.
"I'm fully confused by this week's events, R."
"About what? Are you wondering why Narayana Murthy is behaving like an annoying headmaster poking his finger into Infosys? Are you wondering why a mindless film like A Gentleman was made?"
"Hell no! What do you take me for? A bimbette? Man, R, there are larger issues I'm confused about – like who is this Dera dude that the judiciary has convicted as guilty? Why does he have so many followers when he is a rape convict? Like, why does our government support him? Like, why does his name only have Ram Rahim in it – why not all religions? Like why isn't his name Ram Rahim Rakesh Ronaldo Rustom Singh?"
At that moment Mishka's phone rings with a ringtone with these lyrics -
"You are The Love Charger
Any moment any problem
In heart call you, you any wanna
Next movement everywork u are done
You are The Love Charger"
"And what is that absurdity, Mishka?"
"That, dear uncle, is Dera Sach Saudha Singh's hit song 'Highway Love Charger'. The largest selling Indian album of all time!"
"What else you confused about, dear niece?"
'Like what is this Right to Privacy thing. First, I got myself an Aadhaar card. I've been forced to link everything to it. My passport, phone number, PAN card, driving license, you name it. I'm told that like in a typical Big Brother scenario, I have no right to privacy. And then the Right to Privacy act is passed as a law in the courts. Our judges are real super dudes," Mishka paused for breath.
"I want the Supreme Court to form a political party. So, I can vote for them. They're the only dudes who seem to care about us."
"And what about the issue of triple talaq? Do you have views about that?"
"Sure. I've been following it for years."
"Huh, what do you mean?"
'Well, when I break up with my BFs [boyfriends], I always say the same three words, like 'Bye Bye Bye' and then 'Don't call me, don't call me, don't call me'.
Mishka is truly a Highway Love Destroyer.
Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com
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