In his hands were countless shopping bags, a popcorn packet and a pair of 3D glasses.
Illustration/ Uday Mohite
So, this Republic Day at 4am, Lobo Lobo came over, looking harassed and completely exhausted.
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In his hands were countless shopping bags, a popcorn packet and a pair of 3D glasses.
"Lobo Lobo, can you see the time, it is 4am! You totally woke me up. Secondly, why are you wandering around the city at this time with so many shopping bags? And thirdly, you look like you haven't slept a wink. Talk to me, Thelonious…"
"Wot to tell you Dikuna men, you are aware dat de nightlife in de city of Mumbai has become supposedly better from today, no?" Lobo Lobo asked me, with a slightly sleep deprived tone of irritation.
I voiced ignorance.
"Arrey Bossie men! You don't read de papers or wot? Everyting is now open 24x7, round-de clock—multiplexes and eateries, restaurants men, many malls will not be downing dere shutters—it's damn annoying men! Starting today men, my life will never be de same again," my cable guy, thundered.
"Lobo Lobo I fail to understand your plight. I thought you'd be happy with the news that Mumbai's nightlife is looking up!"
"Chhe, wot nightlife, I aks you! You kn0w wot gets my goat, men… it is dat you can buy plates, knives, glasses, ice boxes, all night long in shops, but you still can't get a drink beyond one tirty a.m.! Wot is de point, tell me! After all dis tiring shopping, you want to drown your sorrows, you can't because de bar is shut!"
"But you can get a fancy meal, all night."
"Arrey, who needs all dat hi-fi food at tree-foe in de morning—my local kebab fellow Amjad bhai down de road, serves me my kheema pao, baida roti and seekh rolls for tirty rupees, wot moe I want!"
"But Lobo Lobo, what is the real reason that you are so pi***d off?"
"Arrey my better half, dat Myrtle of mine, wot a shopaholic she is, oh my holy mudder of God! She is tireless, men. She tolded to me,' Eh Teo men, chalo, get off your butt, let's go to all de malls, now dat dere open day and night!'"
"Arre Dikuna men, we went to Thane, Khandivli, Andheri (E), Goregaon to do all de shopping, and all her uncles, aunts, full 'paltan' have shown up from all over de country. All dis has burnt a huge 'ole in my pocket! Den de family decided dey wanted to see all de latest movies, one per multiplex men, chhe! So we saw bleddy dat Ajay Devgn period fillum in one teater, den dat Kangana kabaddi one in anudder teater and den dat dazzly shazzly special effects war movie,1917, in a tird one... oh fo men, my eyes are seeing like a kaleidoscopic effect!"
Lobo Lobo paused for breath.
"I want to tell dat Aaditya boy, pliz men go back to regular timings! Because, I'd like to spend my nightlife not shopping or eating or watching movies... but sleeping, men, just sleeping!," Lobo Lobo concluded.
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com
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